The Day I Turned Numb
Trigger warning - the grieving of a mother
I will never forget that terrible day,
You had to leave, you went away.
Haunted and broken by the sight of death,
I watched as you took your very last breath.
My heart filled with sadness, secret tears flow,
what it meant to loose you no one will ever know.
my mind filled with blame and shame,
the fact your no longer here will always bring me pain.
I know your in heaven, I know that your safe,
set free from the cruelty of man, set free from pain.
but me, in chains I'll always remain😥
I love you Joshua ❤
@Tinywhisper11 tagging @jesusredeemedme ❤
@Tinywhisper11
I didn't see this because there weren't any numbers lol
I'm so sorry, honey... How can I support you best? I know this month is really hard for you... <3
@Tinywhisper11
Tiny - welcome to this day! Here is a fine Bible verse for you: Psalm 3:3 "But you, Lord, are
a shield around me, my glory, the One who lifts my head high."
@Helgafy ❤🙂 thankyou, he wraps his love around my son too, I know he's being taken care of in heaven ❤ and God is looking after us both, till we get to meet again ❤
@Tinywhisper11
Lola, your poem allows Joshua to live on. You keep him alive with your memories of him and sharing them with others. Love lasts forever. I'm thinking of you 💕 💕 💕.
Stay strong my dear friend.
💜ABB
@amiableBlackberry92 ❤❤ thankyou ❤❤
@Tinywhisper11 his birthday is on tuesday ❤ I hope he gets to celebrate his birthday in heaven. It's a special birthday he's gonna be a teenager, 13 already ❤❤ it should be a time that I'm excited and proud to celebrate his birthday with him, watching him grow up. I am proud of him, very very proud. But I'm hurting, I just want to be a mum, a good mum. And if I could go back in time with the knowledge I have now, just maybe I could have saved him, maybe I would of tried harder to save his life. I failed him 😥 I'm the worst mother ever. I want him to be here with me, I want to hug him, I just wish things were different😭😭😭😭😭😭
@Tinywhisper11
Well Tiny. I don't know if I have something to give you here, I never gave birth to a child. Who can go back in time? Maybe that is wish-thinking. I think you also have said that all religions talk about love. In Christianity we say: Mark 12.31: "Love your neighbour as yourself." ....as yourself - I think you forget that. The Bible also says "Do not condemn..." Luke 6.37. I think you condemn yourself very strongly. As I also think your good friend @mytwistedsoul said once; you were only a child yourself when you gave birth to him.
@Helgafy yeah it's just wish ful thinking😥 thanks helga ❤
@Tinywhisper11 No my friend. You haven't failed anyone. You did the best you could in that situation. It's the world that failed you and your son. It's the people in charge that failed. They failed you and they failed Joshua. He would be so proud of you. Proud of how far you've come and happy that you're safe now. He knows how much he's loved and missed by you. I bet he's a lot like you. Kind and thoughtful with your wicked sense of humor. I bet he keeps the angels on their toes with a mischievousness he inherited for you. I'm so sorry that you're hurting so much right now. I wish we could ease the pain you feel. My heart aches for you and for him. Sending you peace and strength and love ❤️
@mytwistedsoul I bet he's a sweet boy, who is a bit mischievous too🙂 that's how I imagine him. I'm sorry I've been so sad and moaning a lot lately, it's just a hard month. But your support and kindness, everyone's support and kindness, has really helped me not to spiral to much. So thank you soul ❤ I love you ❤
@Tinywhisper11 *offers safe hugs* There is absolutely nothing for you to be sorry for ❤️ We're your friends and we stand with you and love you through the good times and the bad. Grief and sadness go hand in hand. It's not moaning at all ❤️ You're giving voice to the grief you feel and it's better to share that sadness with those here who love you than keep it to yourself ❤️ I love you too ❤️
@mytwistedsoul ❤ thankyou ❤❤
@mytwistedsoul
Very well written "Twist".
You may know that Tiny lives in Wales in England. I think it would be a perfect place for you to visit - just green hills and castles! lol. So I found this fine castle, Caernarfon Castle. I have no idea how to put it in a photo in this thread, but if you can, please do the work. (If not - Tiny can find it by herself). What I thought was it would be nice for her to go there for her sons birthday - a "cool" place.
@Helgafy I love castles! France has some beautiful ones too
@mytwistedsoul
@Tinywhisper11
Thank you! So Tiny - see what twist did for you!
@Helgafy @mytwistedsoul 😍😍 castles are pretty amazing, I'm not far from Caernarfon castle, also Cardiff castle, chepstow castle, rhaglan castle, castle coch, they are all the ones near me, they are all preserved really well, and attract thousands of visitors the castle structures are still strong enough for visitors to explore up almost every staircase, all the rooms and dungeons. There are so many castles in the uk ❤❤ thanks for showing me and joshua the photos🙂 I bet he'd love to go and explore them ❤ thankyou both ❤
@mytwistedsoul
Beautifully stated. Very nice and real.
@Tinywhisper11
Hey, Hugs to keep you warm during your solitude. I know you'll be OK (YOU will be!) but really sorry for your sadness right now.
@IsayUncle thanks uncle ❤ I am not doing great😥
@Tinywhisper11 I know you must be counting every second and it's so brave of you to want to celebrate and remember him while dealing with the grief. It'll be okay, loss is never easy but you don't ever have to deal with it alone, we can't take your pain away but we're all standing with you holding your hand.
@BlueDarkAurora thanks Aurora ❤❤your a great friend to me ❤
@Tinywhisper11 always<3
@BlueDarkAurora @ISayUncle ❤❤❤ just like a family ❤❤
@Tinywhisper11 <3 :)
@BlueDarkAurora
I'm in there. The good looking uncle!
@IsayUncle and the cool one ^^
@BlueDarkAurora
I don't know about all that but thanks. 😄😎
@Tinywhisper11
You are family to me. I love being your Uncle. my name is John or Uncle John to you.
why couldn't u have amore interesting name than john everyone's called john
@indigoEyes2672
It's worse than you think. All modern homes have one and sometimes two or three in every house. 😱🤣😁🤣 ( this may be a cultural joke/slang)
@IsayUncle uncle John ❤❤❤
@BlueDarkAurora
I agree, so nicely said and we are all here holding hands like unbreakable links of love and strength.
@Tinywhisper11
I know, 😢...... Shhhhhh, quiet the mind. No jokes or strong faces needed today. Just rest. 😴
@IsayUncle your so kind to me ❤ I really love you, thankyou ❤
@Tinywhisper11 what a lovely poem...
@indigoEyes2672 I'm sry u lost someone. I've never lost anyone. i miss my friends because i haven't seen them in forever
@indigoEyes2672 thankyou ❤❤ missing your friends can be hard, bless you.I hope you get to stay in touch with them ❤
@Tinywhisper11
Dear Tiny, you said you were going to wear black for eight days. Tomorrow is Joshua's birthday. Are you still gonna be in mourning, wearing black or are we gonna celebrate his birthday now. You said you hope he gets to celebrate his birthday in heaven and he can but he can't do it alone. Are we gonna have a big colorful party for him tomorrow?
As a family are we gonna show him how we do it down here on earth so he can smile up there in heaven.
BELIEVE (((((((💖))))))) CELEBRATE
It's OK if you still need the mourn. But...... I need to know so i can dress for the occasion. Love you!
I hope he gets to celebrate his birthday in heaven. It's a special birthday he's gonna be a teenager, 13 already ❤❤ it should be a time that I'm excited and proud to celebrate his birthday with him.
@tranquilechoes (thank you for such a beautiful poem, I hope it's ok I borrowed it for this post)
Dear Mom, I see your tears from above,
I feel your sorrow, I feel your love.
I know that day was hard, so tough,
But please remember, you are enough.
I’m in a place where pain doesn’t stay,
In a place where I can laugh and play.
Your love is with me, it lights my way,
It gives me strength each and every day.
Don’t let the blame fill your heart,
In my love, we’re never apart.
You did your best, you did all you could,
And I know you’d bring me back if you would.
Though I’m not there to hold your hand,
I’m in a beautiful, peaceful land.
I watch over you, night and day,
Guiding you in every way.
Please, Mom, find peace in your heart,
We’re connected, never apart.
I love you more than words can say,
And I’m with you, every single day.
Love, Joshua 🤍
@IsayUncle ❤😁❤ ok let's smile now and start celebrating ❤ I'll go get something colourful and posh on, he deserves to be celebrated, with balloons and gifts and happy people who love him ❤❤ it's time to celebrate, that cute little baby biy. I got him a chocolate cake with white and brown flake chocolate pieces on top😁 I wrapped his skateboard, I'll open it for him tommorow ❤
@Tinywhisper11
YAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY!
lETS dO iT.... yum yum on the cake, can't wait for the nom,nom,nom.
@IsayUncle what music would be want to listen to at the party?
@Tinywhisper11
I'll get back to ya on that. I have to go to work now. 🙃. Urmmmmm? Birthday Music... or are you talking about the adult after party?
@Tinywhisper11
Some good song options for 13-year-olds to dance to at a party include:
- "Uptown Funk" by Mark Ronson ft. Bruno Mars - This high-energy, funky track with a catchy hook is very popular and gets people dancing.
- "Shake It Off" by Taylor Swift - An upbeat, feel-good song that encourages dancing and movement.
- "Don't Stop Believin'" by Journey - A classic rock anthem that's easy to sing and dance along to.
- "Want You Back" by HAIM - An indie/pop song with a driving beat that's fun and danceable.
- "Believer" by Imagine Dragons - An energetic, anthemic track that is often played at parties and school dances.
- "Shut Up and Dance" by Walk the Moon - An infectious, dance-pop song with a lively tempo.
LETS PARTY! Hi Joshua HAPPY 13TH BIRTHDAY!
(I'm your Uncle and you are my Grand Nephew because your Mum agreed to be my Amazing Niece)
Happy Birthday young fella! Psssst, are all the girls up there real angels?
@IsayUncle 😁😁 Joshua knows who you are, I told him about you ❤ isn't he a bit young for girls??? Your a bad influence on him😁 I know all those songs except for haim. I'll put them on a playlist for him 🙂 thanks uncle ❤
@Tinywhisper11
I thought you were in bed. Get some sleep, you have a big day tomorrow. 💓
@IsayUncle I've been to sleep ❤ it's 3:45am I haven't long woke up. I want to go out and sit with him and watch the sunrise🙂
@Tinywhisper11 * sending you and Josh lots of love* ❤️ Happy Birthday Josh! Show her a beautiful sunrise this morning ❤️
Awww <3
@jesusredeemedme2425 ❤❤
@mytwistedsoul thanks soul ❤❤
@Tinywhisper11
You have had a whole day with Joshua already! I HOPE IT IS WONDERFUL. (To sit with him under the tree) Playing music? Opening presents? I'm a little late but that just extends the celebration.
@IsayUncle ❤❤ I just came back inside, it's 28 degrees Celsius out there, and I think I've pushed myself to stay out to long. I'm so ill right now, but just hoping I'm gonna keep holding myself together ❤
@Tinywhisper11
Yea, you do need exactly that. I'm wishing you an early goodnight. 💖
@IsayUncle ❤❤ goodnight ❤❤ be safe
@Tinywhisper11
I'm celebrating, singing and dancing with you guys because I'm listening to those songs now. What are some of your other favorites? 
I love your music choices <3
@Tinywhisper11 He does deserve to be celebrated and so does the love that you two share <3 I'll be there :D
@BlueDarkAurora ❤ yaaay! We can celebrate for him 🙂
@Tinywhisper11 Happiest birthday to Joshua <3
Tiny, I'm here if you wanna talk alright<3
@BlueDarkAurora thankyou ❤❤ but honestly I wouldn't know what to really say to anyone, gonna try distract myself here for a while ❤ I love you
@Tinywhisper11 understandable<3
Something that gives me comfort is knowing that in another life, maybe somewhere far away from here, I'll get to meet them again. Hope you are surrounded by many such warm thoughts<3 I'll keep you in mine.
@BlueDarkAurora thankyou ❤ I cant wait for the day I get to hold him again ❤
@Tinywhisper11 <3 <3 :)
@Tinywhisper11 This was very touching to read. A beautifully written poem to say the least. I also lost a child. He was 11 years of age and it was due to an illness that quickly took him over. I completed grief share counseling and worked hard to not let this end me. He passed in 2014. The triggers are still there and so is the guilt. I just wanted to let you know that you are not alone and I commend you for your strength. This is a very hard road to travel. Hugs.
@HopefulOne81 I bet our kids are in heaven happily playing with each other, looking after each other till we get to be with them again ❤❤ hugs you tightly ❤❤