My masochism
I'm a peeled thing
greening in the morning soil-
raw skin with grains rotted.
And I'm splaying my roots backwards
towards a god
that whispers 'better, better'
but only in the morning light-
the boulder rolls back down the hill too soon
to crush me
and I only act like I don't enjoy it.
@determinedSea4370
*I'm despairing that it seems like I can only write the way I want to write when I'm in pain. It's only after I've relapsed hard into SH and alcohol that I can be creative and I feel disgusting and I hate it- and it makes me afraid that I've lost the creative self I had a decade ago, before the SH/alcohol/anorexia. But, everyone keeps telling me you can't go back to your past self, but I don't like the current me and I have not liked the current me for years. Damn, I didn't mean for this to be a rant, just some context.
