singing sands, sung by breath, breathe easy
why, Phārāoh, why build such a thing
Pyramid in desert 🏜
monument to singing 🎶 sun ☀️
none but you can hear 👂?
the desert winds 💨 blow
Phārāoh spoke 🌬
she said,
if such winds are anything like breath 🌬
winds will one day shout
terrible gusts🌪
winds of winding, twisting death ☠
notice, as we speak
our volumes waver, dip, rise, peak
our breath is not wasted
our breath reverberates, breathes vibration
beneath our feet🩴
Phārāoh wanted not tomb
but temple
sanctuary, to weather
weathering storm
in halls, in corridors
desert winds blew
alarms, instruments of wood 🪵
would sound dire warning ⚠️
in house 🏠 of stone🗿
Phārāoh would rest 😴 😪 😔 😞
respite from spiteful sun ☀️
rooms cool enough
to house desserts 🍨 🥧 🍦 🍡 🍧
in a desert home 🏡
seemingly fit for none
Phārāoh was a Queen👸
for good reason
her sensing of subtlety
saved many
from screaming 😱
from breathing winds🌪
of screeching death 💀
breath can breathe life
breath can breathe ground from underneath feet
@BastionKnight
@cyanessence
I loved it! Your imagery really was so evocative. I loved the way you dispensed with pronouns frequently, (Phārāoh, singing sun, pyramid, desert, house of stone). It provided them a sort of symbolic emphasis that gave them the texture of pictographic glyphs, lending them extra weight and gravitas. They felt really grounded.
By contrast, your stanzas are like the aether. You use such a light and free flowing rhythm. The subtle use of irregular rhyme, and the imagery you conjured really made it feel like the words were being whispered like the hissing of sand across a dune. There is an undulating flow to it all that is entrancing.
I really enjoyed your use of homophones. They felt natural and organic, and they really added to the cadence of the piece.
It is a really beautiful poem, and I applaud you. Bravo.
*Bows with impressed respect*
