4 Questions to Ask Before Giving Someone a Second Chance

1. Have they accepted responsibility for their actions?

Step one is to determine if this person understands that they’ve done something to hurt you. Ask yourself the following questions:

• Are they acting like nothing happened?
• Are they blaming you for being overly sensitive?
• Are they genuinely acknowledging their error and apologizing for messing up?

Healthy relationships require us to take ownership of our actions and accept responsibility instead of engaging in blame games.

2. Can you forgive this person?

After a fallout, you might find yourself pondering questions like:

• Why should I give them another chance?
• Should I give them another chance after they hurt me?

Before trying to answer your “shoulds,” you must first decide whether you can forgive their wrongs. Failure to accomplish this might preclude any attempts at reconciliation.

If you then decide that you might be ready to begin the process of forgiveness, ask yourself the following questions:

• Do you feel you have an accurate understanding of the transgressor’s actions and what caused them to do what they did? (If not, a conversation with them could be helpful.)
• Are there ways you can relate to and empathize with your transgressor’s actions?
• Have you been on the receiving end of compassion and forgiveness after hurting someone? How did that feel?
• Is your relationship with this person worth investing in?

3. Has the person grown? If so, are they maintaining those changes?

Asking someone to change is never an easy conversation. Whether it turns out to be successful has a lot to do with both partners’ attitudes toward the change request. According to a study published in the Journal of Social and Personal Relationships, it is important that changing partners feel supported during the change process and that the requester provides feedback about how things are going. Therefore, if you are the one requesting a change from another, let this person know that their efforts are making a difference.

4. Have you adequately communicated your new expectations?

As we evolve, so do our ideals, needs, and wants. So, it is crucial that you communicate new expectations to others.

Here are some examples of healthy relationship expectations, according to a recent review paper published in the Review of General Psychology:

• Mutual trust
• Equal commitment to the relationship
• Empathy and acceptance of others’ experiences and emotions
• Appreciation in the relationship
• Mutual understanding and compromise
• Respect for differences

Read the complete article available at Psychology Today!

Reflection:

What are your thoughts on this article?

#Forgiveness #Communication #Relationships

If you liked this article, you might like, "Forgiveness: Your Key To Moving Forward"

You might also like, "Letting Go of Hurt"