4 Signs You Have an Inner Gaslighter Mode
“We spend a lot of time focusing on how to cope with the gaslighters we encounter in our careers and personal lives, but it’s crucial to remember that we may have an inner gaslighter who makes us more vulnerable to them. Below you can find signs that you have an inner gaslighter mode
- You tend to downplay your strengths and needs to keep others pleased.
- Deep down, you worry that you are flawed and feel shame about it.
- In relationships, you feel like “beggars can’t be choosers,” and you should be happy with anything you’ve got.
- Your inner dialogue includes two parts: a cruel inner critic and a scared, vulnerable part who is afraid of abandonment.
If you find the above points to be true for yourself, you can try these suggestions:
- Start to see yourself as a personality with parts. We all have them and it’s healthy to appreciate your inner complexity. You have an inner critic, an inner vulnerable child, and a “real you” part trying to manage and care for yourself.
- Assume authority. It’s up to the “real you” to manage your inner critic and vulnerable child to stop the inner gaslighting.
- Notice when the inner critic is talking. This will take practice! You can use a diary to just note examples of things your inner critic says. Note down a few lines of what it says; try to do it every day.
- Notice how the inner critic makes you feel. Insecure, shame, and afraid of rejection and abandonment. Journal those feelings too. "When I hear that it makes me feel worthless," etc.
- Argue back against the inner critic. Point out how it makes you feel worse, and isn’t really helping. ("Telling me I'm useless will not help me become more assertive!")
- Care for the inner vulnerable child who feels fear and shame. Reassure them that you will take care of yourself in ways your inner critic can’t. "I can help you feel safe without feeling worthless."
Remember, the recovery process is about tolerating the fear and anxiety that come with feeling that insecurity as you stand up for yourself. Keep practicing, and you’ll prove to yourself it’s possible over time.”
Read the whole article at Psychology Today
#Gaslighting #Critic #Coping
💬 Do you have an inner critic? How could be more kind to yourself?
@globalBraid3744
Oh yes, one that ironically never leaves my side lol! 😂
Standing upto the inner critic is a great suggestion. It helps to be patient and gentle with ourselves, allowing oneself to not be perfect, to make mistakes, to grow at own pace!
Thanks for sharing, Braid! 💛
@Sunisshiningandsoareyou
Thank you for reading, Sun 💛
I suppose everyone is critical of oneself once in a while. However, it is important to notice it and remind ourselves to remain kind and patient because it aids self-development.
@globalBraid3744 Indeediooo!💛
Thanks Braid
I'm going to try to argue back with myself. That's great advice.
@NeonBunny5008
I am glad you are willing to give it a try. It will be great to hear again regarding how it is working for you!
okay, but who's telling me about the creepy things that aren't there? Because I think that the possible gaslighter is just keeping it real and telling the other guy "what no? You're just weird there's not a guy in your closet" but is it gaslighting if it's true I guess not so Idk. I named the guy that thinks there's creepy things everywhere Harold by the way. Anxiety's name is Sterling
@LonleyCheese
I think gaslighting is more about the emotional strain. Our inner critic can tell us that we messed up and it might be true but what is important is that it does not define us. We need to encourage ourselves in tough times, not the opposite. The main message is that we should take care of our well-being.
It is nice you named them Harold and Sterling!
@globalBraid3744
Wow, what a great and timely article. I've never even heard of an inner gaslighter, but it makes sense since gaslighters tend to recognize and capitalize on other's insecurities. Thanks for posting this. I definitely have some work to do 💫
@Espejo
Thank you for reading! I am glad you found the article helpful.
But I wonder if I know I can do better and I critizise myself for it am I being too critical or putting myself down?
Like simple critizism not defeating statements
@Seacu
I think that it depends! For example, if the person does not study much but is able to (is not sick, etc.) then it might be beneficial to acknowledge it while being gentle (saying, now I am not doing my best; instead I am stupid). It might help to get back to work. However, there are many times when the person is unable to do more but think they should/can (perhaps because other do better) and this is where the conflict arises. Every person has their own journey and different opportunities in life so we cannot objectively compare ourselves to other people because our conditions are not equal.
@globalBraid3744
Yup, I struggle with this big time-
@Zevia1MM
I hope the post inspired you on how can you be more self-compassionate :)
