Creating a Kindness Zone

"I want to remind you that you matter and are worth loving in your human limits. Instead of convincing yourself you can get control if you just worry more or push yourself harder or (when the limits are undeniable) telling yourself, “Who cares anyway?”—I want to offer you another path. Something you can do when you’re faced with what you cannot do. You can create a kindness zone.

Creating a Kindness Zone

Step 1: Notice the gap between what you want and what you can ultimately make happen. Believe it or not, noticing that gap is hard. We are very used to ignoring ourselves, especially when we don’t feel good or when things are not going as we want. Or when we do notice our vulnerability, we tend to worry, get impatient with ourselves, and try to get control. This is an important moment to pause, tune in, and matter. We can make the choice to stop telling ourselves the lie that we do have certainty and control or we should have certainty and control. Make it a priority to recognize when you are in a place of “I can’t."

Step 2: Feel the gap. Unrest feels like a threat, like something isn’t right. Unrest is physical. It is muscle tension and a fidgety, agitated feeling. Say “hello” to that feeling like it’s a friend. This is not intuitive—you are going against the grain here—but approach this feeling you’d normally avoid. When you do this you are telling yourself at a deep, unconscious level that you matter. No matter what.

Step 3: Visualize the kindness zone. Let yourself be aware of the unrest you feel in the fact that you are a vulnerable human. Now imagine a bubble around you that is 3 feet in every direction—front, back, above, and below. At the very center is your heart beating in your chest. Visualize your heart like a drum sending out a powerful but gentle vibration with each beat. Hear the message: “You are enough—now” with each heartbeat. Feel the vibration activating every cell in your body. Sense the vibration filling the space of the bubble so that you are breathing “you are enough—now” with each breath in and out. Right now, when things are not the way you want, you are enough. Here in the kindness zone, you are enough. Your worth is not based on things working out. Your worth is not in what you have or do or how you make things happen or how others see you.

Step 4: Soak up the kindness. Be as greedy as you can. The more you soak it in, the more kindness is there for you, each beat of your heart, each breath you take. Feel how the kindness helps your body settle, how your shoulders drop, how the space inside you feels warmer, safer. And feel, as you inhabit and experience that kindness zone for yourself, how there is a bit more space for holding kindness with others."

Read the full article on Psychology Today

✨Takeaway: We can address what we feel and bring kindness to ourselves rather than acting on the instinct to avoid or challenge our vulnerability. As you decide to set up a kind zone for yourself, you use agency to gain authority over your vulnerability.

✨Reflection: What's one way you can practice self-kindness today?

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