Feeling Dismissed in Your Relationships? Time to Be Heard
"You make suggestions at work, but they seem quickly discounted. Or, you try to tell your partner about your stressful day, and they’re interrupting you, looking at their phone, doing the equivalent of mansplaining; or they are not following through on what you ask them to do—they forgot, didn’t hear you, they say. You feel invisible, dismissed. Some of us are obviously more sensitive to these interactions and feelings than others, and childhood experiences are always part of the mix.
Time to speak up and push back. Here’s how:
Talk about the larger pattern when calm.
Your frustration only likely triggers their defensiveness, and you’ll both get stuck in an argument over whose reality is right. You lose your point and voice. Instead, pick a time when you are both calm and talk about the larger pattern of behavior that you’ve noticed.
Avoid getting into the weeds; own your problem.
At this point, they may get defensive, want you to supply evidence when they did any of this, or feel you’re just complaining (and are dismissing what you’re saying yet again). Don’t take the bait or go down that rabbit hole. Say instead that the point is that it hurts your feelings, that you feel dismissed or unheard, and that you realize this is your reaction but that it bothers you.
Say what you want them to do.
By being clear and behavioral, you avoid the miscommunication of their thinking that they’re doing what you want, can't get it right, and you're never satisfied. Move forward, and let them know how they can help solve the problem. Thank them when they follow through and follow up if they don't.
Feeling dismissed on the job.
Feeling dismissed on the job is tricky because you don’t have an equal relationship: as an employee, you are automatically one down. Talk about your problem with your supervisor in work terms—ask what you need to do to have your ideas better fit the company's needs."
Read the complete article available at Psychology Today!
Reflection:
Have you experienced dismissal? How did you cope?
#Relationships #Communication #Dismissal
@comfortableNight4463 I think this is something we all experience more or less in our relationships. Some people have been in so many challenges that they can't distinguish a request from manipulation. It can happen. At the end of the day it's important to remember to do our best and if things don't work out it probably means we deserve better. Thank you for the informative post!
@comfortableNight4463
Have you experienced dismissal? How did you cope?
I am currently experiencing this in both work and at home with spouse.
At work it is not as bad as i have recently returned to this company and some people talk as if i was not already aware of many things... that is annoying but understandable.
At home i have had repeated confrontations about this some items they have made efforts to correct but others is still a constant battle... I have personally tried many methods of telling him directly showing him but i find the most effective is to mimic the behavior back at him ..... It is not a productive or mature answer but it does make him really see how disrespectful it is.
@comfortableNight4463
I have been employed at this place for over 6 years. I felt dismissed on the job several times when I applied for a better position and I didn't even get an interview. They hired someone that was employed there for less than a year from another department. I rarely called off, never late and came in multiple times for call-offs and no-shows. I was not happy to say the least. This person ended up leaving for something he went to school for. Then they hired someone else for the same position that I applied for, and this person never even showed up the first day. I ended up calling HR on my boss about being dismissed over and over again. It ends up that I finally got the job I applied for because they couldn't find anyone else. It's like being very reliable, hardworking and punctual doesn't mean anything.
