How to Stop People-Pleasing

“Here are five ways to resist the nasty habit of putting others before yourself and truly live a life where YOU are the main character.

Practice saying no softly first-For the average people pleaser, saying no can feel akin to peeling their eyelashes off. Practice saying “let me get back to you on that,” or “I’m not sure but I’ll let you know when I am,” first and then gradually work yourself up to “no,” or “sorry, I won’t be coming

Make a list-If week to week you find yourself not getting the necessities done (like calling to make a dentist appointment or finding time to paint that one toenail that always gets chipped), then at the start of the week make a list. In bold marker, write down what it is that you need to get done this week for your own sanity. And then refer to that list whenever you feel inclined to sacrifice your time for someone else.

Set boundaries-It can be hard to tell a close friend that you need some time for yourself, or that you’d rather do something alone. They may take it personally, or feel that you don’t want to spend time with them. But boundaries are our way of teaching people how to treat us. If we don’t have them, we burn out. It can be helpful to think of how spending money you don’t have or taking time out of your self care routine can be examples of boundary crossing. Think about how the problem could disappear if you explain your boundary to the person you constantly please out of habit.

Think about your long term plans-Many times, we people please because we want validation from others. In this way, we may also soften the blow that we are not receiving stimulation and validation in other areas of our life that are important to us. For example, if you want to write a book but find yourself with no time to write, hanging out with that friend may enforce your value. But if that long term goal isn’t satisfied or worked towards, you may feel resentment at those who so willingly took your valuable free time. Get clear with what you want in life. It doesn’t have to be anything grand. Do you want to save up for a new pair of sneakers? Move out? Fall in love? Getting serious about your goals will make you less likely to sacrifice them in the future.

Be yourself!- After a lifetime of people-pleasing, you may find that you don’t even know who you are anymore. What do you even like to do, outside of others perception and approval of you? Get in touch with that inner child, think about what they enjoyed even without others watching them. Get out in nature. Read a book. Journal and reflect on who you are and what you value in life. This radical honesty will help you be honest with others as well. And whoever is not made to fit in your life will find their way out.”

Read the complete full article on Medium

✨Takeaway: People-pleasers may find it difficult to say no. But establishing boundaries is both good and necessary. Make lists of other things that require your attention, practice saying no, consider long-term, and be authentic.

✨Reflection: What is the difference between wanting to be nice to people and people-pleasing?

#People-Pleasing #Self-Love #Anxiety #Boundaries