PsyPost: Your current feelings about your relationship influence the way you remember it in the past and imagine it in future
“People are often wrong about how they used to feel in the past or how they will feel in the future. Identifying these errors in cognition is particularly important when it comes to judging relationships. People try to make sense of what their relationship is like all the time and knowing whether these personal stories are built on accurate or biased information is important.
People who feel good about their romantic relationship show a stronger positive bias toward the future of the relationship, and a weaker negative bias toward the relationship in the past. These findings, published in the Journal of Social and Personal Relationships, suggest that a person’s current feelings about their relationship are projected onto how they perceive that relationship in the past and future. So if you’re currently a little miffed at your partner you might not give the relationship all the credit it deserved and recall it being worse than it was at the time. The same is true for forecasting the future: current feelings will distort how you think you’ll feel at a future point in time. Be aware that your memories and forecasts might be biased and don’t make important decisions about the future of your relationship when in the grip of a strong emotion!
Some people keep a written or photo diary. Doing this might remind you of how you used to feel about something and enable you to construct more accurate stories about what your relationship is like across time”.
Read the whole article here.
💬 Do you keep a diary (any kind) to evaluate your relationships and well-being more accurately?
#CognitiveBias #Relationships #Well-being
@globalBraid3744
As a college student I always think about how a relationship will pan out and how I'll be feeling about a certain person in the future and how I'll see others from the past. I think reviewing relationships and how you think and feel about them is a good habit to have because it can really help you see how those relationships are affecting you as a person, whether it be for good or bad.
@sunnyWriting4806
I also think that it is a good habit to re-evaluate relationships and notice how they are affecting/affected you as a person. We also learn to handle interpersonal conflict and disagreements in a better way when we have good insight. We learn from every situation, both good and bad, as you said.
@globalBraid3744 this is one of the best things I’ve read in a long time. When we’re hurt, I think we try to pick apart how it happened to explain it all. We don’t like feeling vulnerable and unprepared. We want the security of feeling prepared if it were ever to happen again in the future. So in even a generally good relationship we’ll start seeing the whole thing with that negativity bias. All of a sudden we think they were secretly a bad person the whole time. I think it’s a way to make ourselves feel better instead of healing the root of our feelings. It’s understandable to be hurt. It’s okay if we made mistakes or they made mistakes. That doesn’t mean anything is wrong with us.
@EmbracingChaos
I am happy to hear you enjoyed reading the post! I completely agree that we are more inclined to negativity bias when we are hurt. I also think it helps some people to better process the feelings of being hurt. Sometimes, two people might love each other a lot, but they have to go separate ways and I think it is good to see the relationship in its entirety.
@globalBraid3744 I definitely did journal a lot when I was having some trouble in my relationship a few years back. It was mostly my fault we were having trouble because I was struggling with my mental health and putting a lot of stress on the relationship. I tried journaling in an effort to get my feelings into the journal and not onto my relationship. It really did help!
@fruityPond7887
It is great that journaling helped you to deal with what you were experiencing back then. I think it is very difficult to keep personal stress and mental health problems apart from the relationship.
@globalBraid3744 It definitely is because your partner is so intertwined with your life that sometimes our problems become theirs and vice versa. I don't think that we have to keep our problems 100% separate from them, but it's important to realize their limits! 😊
@fruityPond7887
Of course, this is what I meant as well! I just did not know how to express it. It goes the same with friendships. It is good to share with others what we are going through but I think that sometimes it can start to be harmful to others if it is excessive.
@globalBraid3744 Exactly! I appreciate your thoughts! 💖
This is such a good article! I keep a journal and right now I’m more excited for the future after the honeymoon I’m going on. Things aren’t perfect in my relationship but things are getting better slowly and surely. We are committed to each other and the marriage. I know my in laws being divorced and my parents aren’t as available as my in laws makes it hard.
@greenWalker8543
Enjoy your honeymoons! No relationship is perfect, it always requires hard work. I can imagine it is hard without the help of in-laws. It can be challenging, but I am sure that when there is a commitment and love you can manage every obstacle that arises in your marriage. Moreover, when you keep a journal, you can more easily remind yourself of nice memories and challenges that you already overcome together and that will give you more hope and strength, even in tough times.
