Self-Affirmations Alone Don't Work
We often hear about the power of positive thinking: Simply envision yourself acing the job interview, and the position is yours, or imagine driving the car of your dreams, and soon enough, it will materialize before you. But, as you have probably experienced firsthand, human flourishing is rarely a wish away. With a more nuanced understanding of how to moderate negative emotions, you can develop a skillset of learned optimism.
Self-Affirmations Alone Don't Work
In Strangers to Ourselves: Discovering the Adaptive Unconscious, cognitive psychologist Timothy Wilson notes how positive self-affirmations alone can actually make people feel worse about themselves and their abilities to achieve their goals. Similarly, studies have found that couples who claimed optimism about their future were more likely to experience marital strife.
Self-Sabotage and Story Editing
Based on their high school success and 4.0 GPAs, two freshmen enter college optimistic and assured of their abilities. Yet, after their first semester, both are lagging academically, and emotionally are a mess.
The first student thinks he’s the problem. He must be depressed. Stupid. Not trying hard enough. Plus, his father never told him he was smart. He has a story.
The second student is given information. She’s shown statistics of how successful high school students typically suffer in their first year or two in college.
The first student has a story but no plan to change his circumstances. The second student has a new tool: story editing. Story editing is one of Timothy Wilson's breakthroughs. That we consciously rationalize with elaborate explanations for our behavior.
Behind the Scenes: Storytelling and the Brain
Our brains are very good at envisioning imagined scenarios. So good, in fact, that we have trouble distinguishing between something that really happened and something that we just imagined. This is because imagining an object, situation, or action in vivid detail lights up the same neural pathways that the same object, situation, or action would trigger in real life.
If we feel as if we’ve already won, we could lose the motivation, the sharpness, and the grit it takes to pursue our goals. What’s more, if we feel buoyed up by our ego-boosting fantasies, the inevitable obstacles we face on the way to our goals will be that much more disheartening.
The problem is when we let these patterns dominate our sense of what's real and true.
Positive Psychology is Not Just Happy Faces
To help us navigate this positive reframing process, Seligman designed the ABCDE model, which focuses on identifying the stories underlying our behaviors and challenging the limiting beliefs that perpetuate our negative storytelling.
1. Adversity: The situation that calls for a response. Think about a recent challenge that you faced. Say, for example, that you were struck with a bold idea for a creative project and you’re eager to forge ahead, but you’re not making any progress.
2. Belief: How we interpret the event. What thoughts run through your head as you reflect back on this challenge? Maybe you’re thinking, "I’ll never make my dream come true," or, "It was a stupid idea anyway."
3. Consequence: The way that we behave, respond, or feel. What was the result of the beliefs you described in step two? Did your beliefs help you make progress on your creative endeavor? Or did they inhibit you further? Most likely, you’ll realize that the negative self-talk actually made it harder to work toward your goal.
4. Disputation: The effort we expend to argue or dispute the belief. Look back to the limiting beliefs you described in step two and find evidence to disprove them. Think about past goals you set and attained, or past ideas that bore fruit after some fine-tuning.
5. Energization: The outcome that emerges from trying to challenge our beliefs. Do you feel more energized or motivated now that you’ve proven your negative self-talk to be unfounded?
As Seligman said, “With a firm belief in a positive future you can throw yourself into the service of that which is larger than you are.”
Things to remember
- Self-affirmations and wishful thinking are often counter-productive.
- Story editing can counter debilitating narratives about ourselves.
- Learned optimism, like hope, is grounded in cognitive evidence and wonder.
Source: https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/tracking-wonder/202209/self-affirmations-alone-dont-work
What are your thoughts on affirmations and optimism?
#Optimism #Affirmations #Well-being #MentalHealth
@calmDew1576
I love affirmations in general.
However, I can see how it can cause some to loose motivation if they feel they already accomplished it!
Very interesting. Thanks for sharing the article Dew!💛💫
@innateJoy9602 I'm glad you found it interesting! In simple words it says that we don't have to set high expectations. Short-term goals are proved to be much more helpful and effective. In addition, accepting the fact that there are things to be changed in your life instead of pretending that everything is great is the first step to see improvements. So yeah, affirmations are helpful but not in all cases. Thank you for reading!
Hey @calmDew1576, thanks for sharing, this was an interesting take on optimism and affirmation, the title made me click on it haha. :P
Affirmations alone do not work, is very very true, I feel it is more important to say things with meaning, or actually feel it too, it would account for one's efforts in working towards something also, for instance: "I affirm to have a loving relationship"~ sure, yes, good start, but loving relationships do not happen magically, they need time, effort, patience, and a whole lot of relationship dynamics being worked upon together with the person we are in a relationship with, or to first putting oneself out there and finding someone to make the efforts with hehe, Or something like "I'll ace the exams"~ you definitely will when you've put in the time and efforts in the preparation but otherwise? Questionable sadly, affirming for something good/ better and not really doing anything about it, doesn't make much difference, I feel.
Affirmations definitely have a positive impact on us though, it does feel uplifting to read some positive statements, and to sort of "kickstart" a positive thought-process in our brain, that may help us feel more motivated to work towards what we need/ want/ desire/ deserve, and vice-versa, many factors to consider here, I think.
To sum, affirm, but do it with belief, and willingness to work towards it.❤
Optimism, mhm good topic to reflect on, I always try to balance between a rational sense, a cautious, a more practical perspective on it, can't tell someone to be happy when they are literally at rock bottom lol, that is toxic positivity/ flowery-phrases at its best, which I personally am highly against of, they do more damage than good, I feel, similar to how "calm down" can aggravate someone more when they are in a situation that is not calm at all~ it's unfair to invalidate the panic in these times, I understand an inner thought, a genuine concern, or the quickest instinct would be to tell someone to calm down (in an effort to make them calmer) but yes lol, it sadly works the opposite, soooo I believe in situations like these, what helps (me) the most is acknowledgement of the situation, one's emotions, and validating how they feel (it's okay to feel panicky when our mind perceives a threat in someway, it is our mind's way to put us on survival mode and be aware of ways to come out of that situation), after, asking what this person may need at the time being, or how best can we be of support to them, sprinkled with some hope and encouragement (one that doesn't feel too overpowering or ah over the board, which loses touch and sense of its purpose sometimes, I feel).
It is much more meaningful to say "it's okay to feel as you do, you're in a tough spot, and valid how you feel like hitting rock bottom at this time, hang in there, you can always pause and take your time through it" than "You'll get up just fine dont worry"
Both of these statements are optimistic in nature, but one of them brushes off the struggles and focuses on "getting better" only (sort of like a "fixing" mindset), the other one acknowledges the depth of the situation at hand, provides validation and comfort, along with a subtle sense of encouragement to pause (and hold on), with an 'unsaid' hope of "things will be better sometime, till then you can rest, and just breathe (which is more than enough to do *at this time*)".
To sum, being optimistic is a great trait, but it helps to be more rational and practical about it too, so it is more "believable". I like this term for myself "cautiously-optimistic" haha, fits. ❤
@Sunisshiningandsoareyou I can totally see your point and I'm so glad you found it so interesting and you shared so many of your thoughts in detail! The point is that affirmations can be like false statements for some, putting pressure on them to believe they are happy or someone they're not. This fact blocks the acceptance process and therefore stops people from really dealing with their problems. Affirmations can work but only when used correctly and they may not be the most helpful solution for all people. Thank you again for sharing your thoughts! It's so important to me that you found the article meaningful <3
@calmDew1576 Hehe you're very welcome, apologies for the thought-overload lol. XD
And definitely, that makes a lot of sense to me! Thanks for sharing too! <3