Shutting Down the Diet Talk
"Ah, the holiday season. Marked by infomercials, holiday music, lots of food and get-togethers, and, for many of us, colder weather. But it also brings something else: increased discussion of dieting around the office and in our social circles. And with the increase in “togetherness” as we crawl out of the pandemic, we are bound to be exposed to these types of conversations more frequently. I, for one, did not miss it.
We live in a culture that is fixated on food and with self-image, two things that do not go well together. And while I know that no gender is exempt from this social pressure, women are especially conditioned in our culture, in which a woman's value is reinforced by her weight and looks. Few women escape this social conditioning: Throw a bunch of us together at a holiday party and you will hear these phrases: “I’m being so bad." "Ugh, my diet starts tomorrow." "I shouldn't eat these! They have so many calories!" It is so normalized that many might not even realize they are doing it. But for those who have spent a lifetime trying to make peace with their bodies, these conversations can feel cripplingly painful.
These conversations are commonly referred to as "diet talk." And while many diet cultures are harder on women, this sort of talk is harmful for everyone. "Diet talk most often involves conversations about one’s body that encourage negativity about that body. It reinforces the idea that smaller bodies are 'better' or represent desirable attributes." (Konstantinovsky 2021)
And as someone who grew up in an environment in which a woman's looks were shamed if they were overweight or unattractive, these conversations always made me uncomfortable. As someone in a larger body, if I occasionally indulge in a piece of chocolate cake, others think "Well, no wonder." But if one of my thinner peers eats cake, she is "treating" herself. We shame people for what they eat depending on whether we feel they deserve it. Why are we so fixated on what, and how, others eat?
These conversations are harmful, especially for those of us who grew up in environments with poor boundaries. Here are three ways to deal:
- Remember that this is more about them than you. If they feel the need to talk about how many “bad” foods or calories they are eating, or how much they will “need to work this off," this is about them and their journey. You do not owe any comments or follow up, and you do not have to disagree or agree. Like many of you, I sit there the whole time thinking, "If they are thinking this about their (usually much thinner than my own) body, what are they thinking about me?” But I have to remind myself: They aren’t making it about me.
- Change the subject. I usually recommend discussing non-food or body-shaming topics at dinner. If you are unable to steer the conversation away from food, at least talk about how delicious the food is and try to steer clear of the shaming.
- Leave the conversation. If the conversation feels uncomfortable, shaming, or harmful, know that it is okay to leave. Many of my clients are in recovery from toxic environments in which they were shamed, and are learning to love themselves. If participating in a conversation will feel harmful, you have the right to excuse yourself for the moment.
It is important to note that there are many people who are trying to lose weight, gain weight, or improve or change their body or health—and this is okay. There is no shame in wanting to improve or change or do anything you want with your own body. This post is only meant to highlight the shame that diet talk can bring when discussed openly with unwilling participants. But if you are struggling with body image or disordered eating, please seek the support of a therapist who is trained in this area. I frequently recommend my clients seek out a therapist who is trained in Health at Every Size (HAES), but choose what is most comfortable and beneficial for you."
*Diet talk can be a tough topic, especially around the holidays. There is more pressure around this time to "watch what you eat" and worry more about calories. I am guilty of this myself! I think diet cultures affects everyone at one point or another. What's important is that you are healthy. It is okay to enjoy that chocolate cake, but it is also okay to want to gain weight, lose weight, etc. As long as we are more focused on being the healthiest we can be, everything else doesn't matter! The way you view yourself is most important! Do you feel as though you struggle with body image? What types of things do you do to make yourself feel strong, healthy, and powerful?*
#BodyImage #DietTalk #DietCulture
Please find the full article at Psychology Today.
Diet talk .......... is just that talk ...... while directed word may hurt...... talk taken out of context is just people trying to feel bad about something.
in most gatherings i have attended those who do this talk are one of two types
#1 has never dieted but feel self conscience so say that ..... #2 really thing fishing for compliments
if i am just there overhearing this talk ........ walking away judging myself will be useless ....just tune it out for a society that claims to be their own person .... do your own thing ..................................far too many live and die by the likes / and hashtags... on social media ...........
if we want change it is not about stopping talks we do not like .... but instead why do we care what others are saying. We have or want to tell people what they can or cannot say instead of teaching others to let it go..... it is not about you......
@toughTiger6481 That is very true! More people are worried about themselves than they are about others. It is important to try and stay in our own bubble and not worry about what others have to say. Thank you for reading!
@fruityPond7887
Thanks for the article!
Diet talk is really common in my social circle.
I never realize that conversations about one’s body may encourage negativity about that body, and also cause shame in people with bigger body sizes.
Good to be more sensitive and aware of it now, after reading this article.
@democraticCoconut192 I am glad you enjoyed the article! Yes, we don't realize how much of an impact negativity can have on ourselves and others around us. Thank you for reading! ❤️
