Thrive Global: If You’re Experiencing Negative Self-talk, Try This Unexpected Tip

"Richard Schwartz compares your internal system to an orchestra. An orchestra contains multiple musicians, sections, and instruments. If the musicians decided to sit wherever they wanted and play whatever they wanted, the result would be cacophony. An orchestra conductor is necessary to turn noise into music.

Self–leadership is required to manage our shadow impulses and to get unstuck. Self-leadership is the practice of responding to stressors rather than reacting to triggers.

The goal of therapy (or any inner work) is not to change yourself, it’s to know yourself—and to then conduct your inner orchestra with skill and compassion. Genuine self-compassion is a daring quest to know every corner of your inner world. It is a journey to befriend all of the parts of yourself. Genuine self-compassion requires you to refuse to abandon even the most shadowy parts of your psyche. All behaviors are not acceptable, but all parts are valuable.

You aren’t lazy and you don’t lack motivation—you have parts who think the best way to help you is to shut your system down. These parts may act out with destructive behaviors, but the parts themselves aren’t bad—their intention is to protect you from your shadows. When your parts are in charge, you can feel crazy, out of control, dissociated, indecisive, and overwhelmed. When your inner conductor—your capital S “Self”—is in charge, suddenly you have an all-access pass to the 8 C’s of Self-Leadership.

The 8 C’s of Self-Leadership are:

• Confidence
• Calmness
• Creativity
• Clarity
• Curiosity
• Courage
• Compassion
• Connectedness

The Science of Self-Talk

We talk to ourselves all the time. Often our self-talk is hostile and unhelpful. Have you ever thought, OMG, that was so stupid. Why did I say that? or I’m so lazy. How am I supposed to find energy to clean the garage today? Critical self- talk is ineffective and keeps you stuck. If you’re thinking, But I’ve tried self-talk to get myself motivated and it never helps and then I just feel worse, I hear you.

The secret to effective self-talk is to turn your inner monologue into an inner dialogue.

The way to turn your inner monologue into an inner dialogue is to use your name (or your pronouns) when you talk to yourself. Research indicates that changing your self-talk from first person (using the word I) to third per- son (using your name or pronouns) is a powerful way to shift your system.

Per an article in Scientific Reports, “[Recent] findings indicate that the language [people] use to refer to the self when they engage in [self-talk] influences self-control. Specifically, using one’s own name to refer to the self during introspection, rather than the first-person pronoun ‘I,’ increases people’s ability to control their thoughts, feelings, and behavior under stress.”

Why does this practice work? We are generally nicer to other people than we are to ourselves. Talking in third person allows us space to provide the same compassion and kindness to ourselves that we’d extend to others."

Read the full article here!

Reflection:

What do you do when you're experiencing negative self-talk? Do you have a coping method?

#Negativity #SelfTalk #EmotionalRegulation