Thrive Global: When in Doubt, Do What Doesn't Come Naturally
Thrive Global: When in Doubt, Do What Doesn't Come Naturally
I texted a friend to tell her my plan. She understood how I was feeling, but told me: “Wendy, go take a hike. It’s going to be a beautiful day. You’ll feel better if you do and you can always go back to the couch afterwards if you still want to.” It helps that my friend (Dr. Kelly Baron), also happens to be a clinical psychologist and sleep researcher like me.
So I followed her advice, albeit reluctantly.
Once I got outside and started moving, I noticed the cobwebs clouding my brain started to clear a bit, despite my sleep-deprived and over-served night. As my head cleared, words came to me that I so often tell clients in my therapy practice: “When in doubt and you are feeling really down, do the behavioral opposite.”
The technique, stemming from Dialectical Behavioral Therapy, is called “Opposite Action.” It is based on the idea that when we are feeling anxious or depressed or otherwise bad, we experience a variety of urges toward things that we think will make us feel better, but ultimately make us feel worse. In my case, the urge was to spend the day on the sofa indulging all my fears and uncertainties.
Some of the things I learned from this article:
-it is ok (and super helpful) to take a break from intense situations
-taking time to regroup mentally is self-care
-utilizing support around us instead of retreating feels better than we might initially think
To learn more, read the complete article here
What are some ways that you can try to do what doesn't come naturally in stressful situations in your life?
#OppositeAction #Self-care #Stress
@KindnessMatters2020 great question!
taking 10 or a few minutes before leaping into action helps us be more aware of our reaction and it is very mindful/grounding.
Thank you for linking this article!
What are some ways that you can try to do what doesn't come naturally in stressful situations in your life?
My worst times are anxiety-based, so I believe the opposite actions in these cases are exposure. It's hard for me to really commit to exposing myself to the things I fear because accidental exposure can lead to days of very dark times. I remember I was once speaking to a counselor that told me exposure wasn't about traumatization but rather about being in a controlled setting with a professional where you could face a piece of your fear with that support.
If I were trying to think of a version of exposure like that, I might try to ask my husband what he would recommend.
It's very hard; I believe he is a good man that would try to do anything for me, so I don't know if he would look at the ugliest parts of me and try to not be disgusted for my sake. I would have to really believe him if I were to try this kind of exposure, but it seems like such a risk. What if I am believing the lie he is telling because he wants to do the right thing?
@KindnessMatters2020
What are some ways that you can try to do what doesn't come naturally in stressful situations in your life?
great article and great question. This really makes me think because I have such a fixed pattern of action during stressful situation and it can lead to further damage if I don't think about its repercussions. One way of thinking and what you mentioned is understanding that there is people around me to support me and willing to hear me out during these times. I always assume and go into situations thinking I can handle it myself but it places a heavy burden when doing so. Lowering my pride to talk to someone about my problems is one way I can go about stressful situations in a much healthier manner.
@KindnessMatters2020 I think trying to do stressful things that may make us uncomfortable for a little while really is key to pushing ourselves to feel better. Setting small goals and building up towards longer periods of time to do the uncomfortable task may be the best way to complete what will make you feel better!
@KindnessMatters2020
What are some ways that you can try to do what doesn't come naturally in stressful situations in your life?
@KindnessMatters2020
Beautiful thank you for sharing ❤️
@KindnessMatters2020
I found the idea of "opposite action" particularly interesting because our first instinct during stressful situations is not always the response that serves us best. When we feel overwhelmed, it can be tempting to withdraw, avoid responsibilities, or remain stuck in our worries. While rest and self-care are important, there are times when taking a small constructive action can help break the cycle of overthinking.
One thing I have learned is that action often creates clarity. I may not always feel motivated before I begin, but taking a walk, studying for a short period, reaching out to someone, or focusing on a simple task can help me regain a sense of direction. The situation itself may not immediately change, but my relationship to it often does.
What resonates with me most is the reminder that growth sometimes requires us to move gently against our initial impulses. Not every feeling should dictate our actions, and sometimes the healthiest response is to take one small step toward what supports our well-being rather than what simply feels comfortable in the moment.
In stressful situations, I try to pause, acknowledge how I am feeling, and then ask myself: "What action would be most helpful for my future self?" I do not always get it right, but I find that question often leads me in a healthier direction.
