(Trigger Warning: Suicidal Ideation) My O.C.D. Diagnosis Was a Blessing, Until It Became Too Central to My Identity

"Five years ago, seemingly out of nowhere, my brain fell into an abyss of unrelenting intrusive thoughts — What if I harm myself? What if I harm others? What if I’m crazy? — each of which was accompanied by electric shocks of anxiety and full-on sensations of dread. It was, by far, the most terrifying, vexing and isolating period of my life. My first moment of relief came four weeks later, when I finally got in to see a psychiatrist.

“You aren’t suicidally depressed or experiencing psychosis,” he told me. “You’ve got a severe case of obsessive compulsive disorder.”

At first, the label was helpful. I went from drowning in a bottomless and unexplainable sea of terror to “having O.C.D.” The label helped me make sense of my reality, pointed the way to a specific type of treatment (something called “exposure and response prevention”) and made me feel less alone. During those first few months, dealing with my O.C.D. dominated my life, and for good reason.

“Labeling an individual with a diagnosis can allow them to better understand their situation and access the support services they need to function,” said Emily Johnson, a physician in Colorado Springs who practices at a clinic for adults with cognitive disabilities. “On the other hand, labels can carry stigmas and be constraining, unnecessarily confining people to certain boxes.” And, she added, “if we were to assign a label to all of those individuals, the label would cease to be useful.”

Five years ago, when people misused the term, describing themselves self-deprecatingly or humble-braggily as “O.C.D.” for keeping their pantry well organized, for instance, it made me extremely angry. I felt that the term was mine, and I was personally offended. Now, however, it doesn’t bother me at all. Of course people misuse the term O.C.D.; it is a widely misunderstood condition. When this happens now, I try to educate if appropriate, and then I get on with my day."

*As someone who has diagnosed OCD, this article resonated with me completely. My intrusive thoughts came out of nowhere and it took me seeing a psychiatrist to get that reassurance that I wasn't going crazy. OCD has been tough for me, but it has allowed me to become a more empathetic and understanding person. I think having this label has made me feel less alone and I am grateful for the community to make me feel heard when no one else understood. Is there a community that has made you feel supported when no one else did? What would you say to someone who is newly navigating a mental health diagnosis?*

#OCD #ObsessiveCompulsiveDisorder #MentalHealth

Please find the full article at The New York Times.

Remember, you are always so loved!