These notes are based on the discussion that held on 1st August 2015 in Listener Community Room at 4:30pm EDT

Hosted by the amazing @Zedda
Outlined by @Chevy81 (Disclaimer: I personally did not attend this discussion but have reviewed the entire transcript and made an outline on what was discussed to share with everyone!)

Icebreaker:
If you became invisible for a day, what would you feel tempted to do?

Travel around the world. @wonderfulPumpkin71

Visit Prince Harry's privy chamber. @SpencerT

Pull pranks on people. @DancingRaccon

I would tap people on the shoulders and make them look at no one hahaha. @Kismet237

Rob a bank mwahahaha. @SUP001MC

I would travel to all the inner chambers of government and see what they are really doing. @contentedFlamingo47

Nothing! Stay in bed, hoping the nightmare would end soon. @QuickJazz

I can't say or I would be arrested... @SaoirseRoseC

Question #1:
In your own words, describe what a friend means to you.

Someone who is loyal, supportive, fun, honest, respective. @SwordsandPens

A friend is someone who respects you/someone you spend time with. @wonderfulPumpkin71

Someone who I like to chill with and have a laugh. @DancingRaccon

A friend is someone who doesn't use something you said against you. @Johnny20

A friend is probably the most pure of connections. It's someone who through nothing you have earned has chosen to be your companion in life. Someone who wants the best for you as you do for them. @contentedFlamingo47

A friend means someone I can be comfortable with, able to relax and not worry so much when around them. @QuickJazz

Someone to trust and love. @SUP001MC

Friend is someone you connect with on a deep level n understand you without judgment, someone who trusts n loves me as I trust n love them. @Kismet237

A friend is somebody with whom I share a mutual trust and enjoy their company. @SpencerT

Zeddas Conclusions:
It's about a positive connection with someone who interacts with you in a way that you both appreciate and enjoy.

Question #2:
If you had to describe 3 crucial elements of a friendship, what would they be? Now people have mentioned 3 or more, but if you had to narrow it down, what would you choose as your top 3?

Trust, respect, loyalty. @wonderfulPumpkin71

Funny, trustworthy and understanding. @DancingRaccon

Loyalty, respect, empathy. @contentedFlamingo47

Trust, humor, loyalty. @SpencerT

Love, trust, respect. @Kismet237

Loyalty, love, being cool. @SUP001MC

Respect, flexibility, good vibes. @QuickJazz

Trust, respect, love. @Johnny20

Zeddas Conclusions:
Seems the most crucial elements are trust in order for it to function and loyalty so that they don't abandon you. Both making you feel safe.

Question #3:
Due to various circumstances in life, we may not always see our friends as often as we wish. What sort of circumstances could these be?

Distance. @DancingRaccon, @Johnny20, @Kismet237

Distance; like if we are at work/school. @wonderfulPumpkin71

Finishing education, moving away for career purposes. @SpencerT

Distance and also busy life circumstances... some people move on with their lives with children and career... they say the 30's are some of the loneliest time in life... how sad... @contentedFlamingo47

Struggling with things, thus isolating one's self from friends can cause us to not meet as often. @QuickJazz

Education is one of the biggest barriers, I lost all my friends because I had to move for college, we talk once a year. @FriendlyAdviser

Also I find in my experience, people tend to distance themselves when someone is grieving as they don't want to say the wrong thing. Just when you need people to reach out the most, they don't realize how you are suffering... grief makes people uncomfortable. Even the best of friends may distance themselves. @contentedFlamingo47

Zeddas Conclusions:
So all of you have touched base on it being distance (e.g. moving away for career or education). And things that happen to people, sometimes making you/them less accessible.I think what also can be drawn out is the point that during education you have some sort of a social safety net, and when you develop/leave education it makes it significantly more challenging.

Question #4:
In regards to the points you've all made, what anxieties can those sort of series of events bring?

I had a hard time leaving education regarding real life friends (as opposed to online ones) when I didn't have a job, I suppose, but when I did, it was okay. Some worry that they'll never be able to make friends like that again, or that it'll be very difficult (due to where you are, what's going on in your life and more). @QuickJazz

When will I see you agaaaain. @SpencerT

Stress...hard to find my support easily. @Kismet237

Wondering if the bond can survive distance. @wonderfulPumpkin71

The fear of drifting apart. @SpencerT

It makes hard for you to develop your friendship... @SUP001MC

Usually the points I've come across regarding this matter is that people relate their friends not being able to see them to their friends not wanting to see them. It's hard for a person when the people supporting them distance themselves. @FriendlyAdviser

It may feel like one is isolated and not able to find that sort of community again. Having to extend one's self again to new people... can be difficult. Can be isolating and can lead to distrust of others if you listen to the messages of the greater society that we are all in this alone, pitted against each other to "succeed". @contentedFlamingo47

People might fear of making new friends and that their distance friendship wont survive. @DancingRaccon
It can be hard to work out how you both fit in the new kind of friendship you'll have. If you were in school together, for example, you probably saw each other daily. If you move away for university, you see each other monthly or so, maybe you don't talk as much at all. You no longer know what's going on in their daily life. That may create a struggle. @QuickJazz

It's really necessary to let out what's inside every once in a while and without friends people not find that kind of comfort of talking with anyone else; plus you can't just talk about your troubles to a friend who you're meeting after months. It doesn't seem appropriate. @FriendlyAdviser

Zeddas Conclusions:
It seems that some answers epitomize the fear of the unknown and fear of not having continuity, whereas other answers focus on more personal anxieties. Trust and vulnerability also have their own involvement.

Question #5:
What differences can there be between a new friend, and an old friend?

An old friend has gone through years of history and development that the new one has not. But that doesn't mean the new friend is any less valuable, it just is. @contentedFlamingo47

A new friend might not know you as well as an old friend. I prefer old friends because they know what sort of person I am and they accept me for it. For example, if I started dancing on a table in a classroom my friends would laugh because they know I do crazy stuff but my new friends might think Im weird and end the friendship. @DancingRaccon

An old friend- they probably know you more than the new friend. With the new friend, you can show any side of your personality you want. Its like a new start. @wonderfulPumpkin71

The difference between new and old friend is that new friends you make the memories old friend you relive old memories. @bdishman

I think again, trust perhaps. With your older, more familiar friends, you may have more of a rapport. @SpencerT

New friends can be good because you don't have history with them, no preconceptions. Fresh perspectives and all that. @SaoirseRoseC

Well, an old friend will know when you're worried, he or she can tell what's bothering you, new friends might take time to get to know you but they bring new experiences as well. Nothing helps more than experiencing new stuff when trying to get over something. To be honest, I've never really seen much of a difference between my old friends and new friends, I've always been a person who could make friends very easily, I'd go to the store and come back with a new friend who'd hangout with me and my mates on the weekend. I understand some people can find it hard to make friends but I share the same feelings for both new and old friends. Don't want anyone to feel ignored or treated differently. @FriendlyAdviser

Old friends grew up with you and new friends go thru the now but both old and new will be part of my future. The longer you know the person the stronger the connection and bond and emotions truly tie into that. New friends are great and I too love making new friends but at the same time in time of stress n needs my old friends are who I fully feel secure with. @Kismet237

I prefer new friends; I'm not going to lie. I love getting to know people and everything's new, so you're getting to know how to interact with each other, which can be fun. With older friends, I feel some can be too settled and distressed at any change, so I find it to be inflexible, and I find that very important for me, personally. @QuickJazz

I have to have a constant influx of new friends. @KaringKatniss

I feel a new friend is a novelty and a bit like a blank canvas where you can paint your friendship. As old friends, you are set in your ways, and there's a certain script to it all. @RaymondT

Zeddas Conclusions:
Over time people expect consistency and this can make you feel like you ought to stick to certain expectations. With new friends, there's the thrill of getting to know people and them you.

Question #6:
In relation to all the circumstances weve discussed previously, how do you feel when you wish to talk to a friend that hasnt contacted you for a while?

I would email them and say, How are you? and whats up and we should catch up and stuff. @wonderfulPumpkin71

Honestly, I'd be weirded out but with the proper ice breaker sort of speak will get rid of the weirdness. @Kismet237

Well, usually people hesitate since they do not want to tarnish their image or seem too needy, they wait for their friend to contact first usually, but I think it shouldnt be so bothering. They're your friends after all. I for instance, send messages or a card to every single one of my friends, close or not, in 5-6 months to meet up, and surprisingly almost everyone replies and it's memorable when we meet up. @FriendlyAdviser

I try to keep my side of the bargain when it comes to friendship. If it becomes clear we've drifted apart, not for lack of trying, I accept that. But I do feel sad if I think, "so-and-so would understand this". Reflecting on what has happened could merely be living different lives at different ends of the country. Not falling out, just drifting apart somewhat. @SpencerT

I think it depends on who is that friend. @caringHoliday93

It depends... excited... nervous... for real old friends who I know will be my friend even though we have spoken for years... it's fine... for those I'm less sure about the bond... apprehensive. @contentedFlamingo47

It depends on the reason I haven't spoken to them. If it is due to my isolating, then very hesitant (I find communication in general challenging though). If it's due to being busy or something, I don't mind so much because... I was busy. I think it's a distinction between what I think they could understand and what I think they may not be so understanding about. Whether or not they ask for the reason, or care to know. @QuickJazz

I would send them an email or send them a text if they didn't change their phone number but I feel a bit scared because I don't know what sort of reaction they might have. @DancingRaccon

Zeddas Conclusions:
Some may instantly just message each other. Often we become hesitant. Others need to improvise depending on some conditions. And there's the element that we all have to make an effort, and reflect on what's happened previously.

Question #7:
What sort of gesture would you make to an old friend of yours, to bring you and them closer?

Invite them out for drinks. I'd phone them: much better to hear a voice than text, more comforting and animated. @RaymondT

Invite myself over to theirs for a sleepover. @QuickJazz

Asking them to hang out with you more/getting to know them more. @wonderfulPumpkin71

Depending on proximity (most of mine don't live near me anymore), I'd write them a handwritten letter which is more personal than a text or email etc. @SpencerT
I would take them out for dinner and tell them to order any food they want. @DancingRaccon

Take them out. @caringHoliday93

My friend took the direct approach and told me one day that they wanted to be closer to me. @wonderfulPumpkin71

When we just don't know what to say, I like the old fashioned hand written letter. @AutumnLeigh

Zeddas Conclusions:
So there's a mixture of invitation for social interaction and if there's too much distance communicating with them that either shows a lot more of a personal element to it, or one which requires more effort.

Question #8:
With old friends, do you spend more time thinking about the past, or talking about each others present day lives?

Both! Though honestly more often the present, and even the future! @RaymondT

Both, agreed. "Oh my gosh, remember when..." conversations are nice, as what are you currently up to… etc. @SpencerT

Present lives. Catching up. @QuickJazz

I definitely go with the past. But only because we lost contact. I can't find my friend online so that's why I went with snail mail. I am hoping for a future. @AutumnLeigh

We talk more about present day lives and what are we up to, but we do talk about the good old crazy days too. @DancingRaccon

We usually talk about the present then touch up on the past n then bring the future. The present is the catching up from the last time we spoke and besides my old friends and I just totally connect as if no distance or time lapse. @Kismet237

First we go on about what we're doing, where we've been, what have we accomplished, and then it just turns into us sharing our fondest memories with each other. Every time I do that with an old friend and listen to what he remembers it redefines him/her for me, it makes us closer than ever. @FriendlyAdviser

Usually it's more about our present lives, catching up on things but reminiscing sometimes happens too and reflection on how one has changed/grown. @contentedFlamingo47

Its about laughing and remembering gold memories. @caringHoliday93

Zeddas Conclusions:
It seems more common to focus more on the present, at least first if you like to discuss both. It's also interesting to observe a variation of confidence in people's friendships, which is only natural.

Question #9:
What is something you wish you could say to an old friend, but end up not saying for whatever reason?

I'm sorry we'd parted. @RaymondT

I love you and I don't want to lose you. @caringHoliday93

Always wishing you well. @QuickJazz

I don't ever want to say goodbye. @Kismet237

You know I love you, right? @SUP001MC

Thank you so much for being there for me and never leaving my side. @DancingRaccon

Zeddas Conclusions and Extra Question:
It's interesting though as all of these answers you've given are generally things we prefer to show rather than say in society, would you agree? Most of the participants agreed to that all these lovely answers preferred to show rather than say in society.

Final Task:
Make up a quote about friendship: a piece of advice to either yourself or others!

Create powerful memories, before it's too late. @RaymondT

Friendship can be true and blue whether it's old or new… Trust your heart that your friendship will be strong no matter what. @Kismet237

"It happens to everyone as they grow up. You find out who you are and what you want, and then you realize that people youve known forever dont see things the way you do. So you keep the wonderful memories, but find yourself moving on." - Nicholas Sparks. @QuickJazz

"Old friends, old friends sat on their park bench like bookends." @RaymondT

This was an amazing discussion, and it had been a real pleasure to read the whole transcript. I had been enjoying and inspired while noting it and I hope you find this notes enjoyable too. A huge thank you to @Zedda for hosting this amazing discussion and to everyone who participated (:

Participants:
@wonderfulPumpkin71 @SpencerT @DancingRaccon @Kismet237 @SUP001MC @contentedFlamingo47 @QuickJazz @SaoirseRoseC @SwordsandPens @Johnny20 @FriendlyAdviser @bdishman @KaringKatniss @RaymondT @caringHoliday93 @AutumnLeigh

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