Self Respect discussion for Respect Day [Notes]

This forum post is based on the member discussion that was held on September 18th, 2015 at 11.30 AM EDT hosted by @Minionator in the guided discussions room on the topic: Self Respect for Respect Day.

These notes were made using a transcript as of the whole discussion, as I couldn't be present for the discussion. I have reviewed the entire transcript, though, and have made an outline on what was discussed to share with everyone!

Let us start with an ice breaker. What do you like to do in your fun time, and why?

I love to paint! it just relaxes me a lot.

being here, listening to music

Music

7cups to feel positive in life

i enjoy baking...i find it relaxing

fun time.. quilling. arts. figuring what's the next CSR impact I could make which would both bring in fundings and impact I'm looking for. dancing. yoga. meditating.

play guitar, it relaxes me. Write poetry, because it engages me. Listen to music, cuz it excites me. Hang out with my kids, cuz they inspire me and I like to see them laugh.

Singing

I love wading

② To start of the discussion, how would you define respect?

respect being considerate of boundaries

respect i would say is a moral grey area as much things in life

knowing and understanding the limits.

respect, by its very nature, can be defined by a deep level of admiration for another person. And for all that they do.

not over pushing, yet understanding and accepting. it doesn't mean u need to embrace n make it your belief though.

Being kind

Self-respect... on the other hand, is really the same, but, goes much deeper than simple admiration for one's accomplishments. It really starts with a sense of self-worth, which must also be defined in this context. learning to value yourself, who you are, what you do. Maintaining principles and standards, for one's own being.

I define respect as showing dignity and love

Recognizing yourself for being what you really are,and neither inflating your ego uneralistically,nor denigrating yourself.

self-respect: knowing ur self-worth and understanding & accepting self as a whole. well.. loving thyself is the most important

Self-respect, could also, if you wanted to take it step further, can also include learning to trust oneself, and one's own instincts, especially, when it comes to learning about other people. Learning to trust one's own emotional maturity, to learn about others.

③ How can you show respect to others - online and otherwise?

by being there to listen and being there for them

Being consderate...always asking how would I want to be spoken to or treated if tables were turned

giving them acknowledgment (letting them be heard)

Give them the benefit of the doubt,and refrain from assumptions/hasty conclusions,I guess.

dont be rude and be polite

Showing respect? That comes from learned behavior, a sense of etiquette, manners.

Getting to know people before you judge them

seeing them as human with emotions by then everything follows

acknowledging their feeling i think

Being considerate to their feelings

accepting the other person's boundaries

Be mindful of your own intentions before you speak to others....meaning are you without realizing it thinking the other person is a certain way and are angered being aware of our own biases or emotions before interacting can facilitate better respect when we interact

④ How do you show respect to yourself?

By taking shower everyday.

i take care of myself.. i not let anyone hurt my self respect for anything which isn't right..

Living according to your own values and taking care of your needs

by doing things which i like to do, even not allowing my mind to take over which is so socially conditioned to hide its feeling.

one of the biggest way i show respect to myself is to listen to myself.

⑤ What is the difference between self respect and self esteem?

without self respect, there's limited self esteem.

Self respect is treat yourself and esteem how you view yourself

self respect is knowing how to take care of yourself, physically and emotionally, setting boundaries with people, yourself, etc. - Self esteem is like....knowing you deserve all that stuff

how i see it is.. self respect is really knowing yourself, having that understanding of self n balance. self esteem plays a lot more on embracing self. not with ego but with humility.

i always thought that Self Respect was how we respected ourself.. physically,, emotionally and mentally... and Self Esteem was our willingness to take a stand for our own principles and our ego

I've learned though you can have self respect even without the self esteem...thats sort of a complicated area though. Like in relationships, I know what I deserve, and when to walk away, but at the same time if I'm being insulted and criticized I would probably be saying the same stuff to myself....I just wont let others say it to me lol

Respect I feel has to do with how you feel translates to how you treat yourself and how you allow others to treat you...I feel they are proportional. If you have esteem for yourself it's how you feel internally about your strengths and weaknesses. Self esteem in my view denotes a way you veiw yourself which is inversely proportional to self respect

⑥ Is there a difference between showing respect to yourself, and showing it to others?

we teach other people how to treat us

I tend to care more about how I treat others than how I treat myself...I'm more careful because I have an outside perspective with others

If you respect yourself in a healthy way it is then easier to respect others in a healthy and balanced way

having respect for others, is not as...how should i say... in depth of a feeling, as showing respect for one's self. You can still show respect to others, even if you do not like them. Its your learned behavior and nurturing that shows how you treat others, as if you want to be treated. But, having self-respect, goes much deeper than just etiquette or manners. Self-respect, as i have stated, go only be shown based on someone's own self-image, and sense of self-worth. Those two aspects determine our level of self-respect.

⑦ Are there any significant differences between people who respect themselves as opposed to people who dont?

You'll see it on how they treat themselves and how they treat others.

People who tend to respect themselves, tend to have more of a better sense of who they are, are comfortable with their strengths and weaknesses, Understand their sense of self-worth, has a better developed set of principles, to live by, generally. They tend to have a lot more confidence in their abilities. And these aspects manifest themselves in how they talk, how they walk, how they move, how they converse with others, etc..

Self respect is crucial to achieve things, without knowing and respecting yourself you are lost, the hardest part is to maintain that self respect

those who respect themselves would know their boundaries, to a certain extent u can see how they tend to themselves n how they could communicate with others - its more aware yet comfortable & balanced. those that doesn't are less sensitive n aware of what goes around them; what more of others.

Someone who may not have self-respect for themselves, may not have the same level of self-confidence, self-esteem...poor self-image, and doesnt understand how and why they do things. They show this in how they communicate, or even, more to the point, NOT communicate their feelings. many times i have seen this in relationships, and how they learn to develop a better sense of self-worth and pride, versus trying to maintain the peace, as it were.

I've found, and I know this doesn't apply to everyone, but I found that alot of people who have alot of self respect and have their life together, they sort of look down on people who dont, like they see them as lazy and weak, like its so easy to get to that point....but its not. Thats just my experience

Be healthy my friends that the best way to show yourself you respect yourself not just stand in the mirror all day.

⑧ How do your ideas about self-respect reflect your personality?

i find that when i start being more self-respective of myself (which i'm still learning n exploring), i'm more adaptable to changes within myself and changes around me. same time, i find i could relate to others much better and accept their point of view without feeling i'm forced to let go of mine.

The same way I achieved this self respect, hard working, not talking too much, listening, improving, accepting feelings bit not letting them overtake, better to learn people before inviting them in your house, better to talk rarely and make sense than spewing out words and getting lost along the way.

Our personalities are shaped by our experiences, our genes, the nurturing of our parents, and other factors, both internal and external. But, i think many times, our sense of self-respect, or lack there of, comes out in our personalities in social situations. For example, take myself. I use humor quite a bit, as most of you know. lol haha. Well, this could also be a defense mechanism, for something that could be considered a lack of self-confidence, or self-esteem. A mask to hide things. Although I can be funny, and its part of my personality, overall, but the core feeling behind it, could be attributed to my small sense of lack of self-image. Ultimately, my self-respect, and trust in myself, could be shaken...and this is how it manifests itself. Humor.

⑨ Next question: Eleanor Roosevelt said, No one can make you feel inferior without your consent. What might make a person find it hard having self-respect?

the way others treat you can make it hard

constant criticism, being guilted into things...being told things like "if you loved me you'd do this or that"

If they have somehow been abused or invalidated in life, they will lack self respect

I think She was referring to allowing yourself to be manipulated or influenced by others. Letting their own perspective or view of you, get to you, and allow yourself to see what they see. For someone who has little or nor self-respect, or self-worth, succumbing to those that make you feel inferior becomes easier. And those that do, tend to fall into a bleakness of darkness more often.

personally, i find it easier to respect myself when i can love myself. i cannot speak for others as i had not touch or experience this topic with others

⑩ Having said that, can you respect yourself if you dont like yourself? Why, or why not?

I encouraged them to forgive themselves and asked what they did like about themselves

Yes, I have seen lots.. apart from 7cups, if i talk about real life.. although i myself dont respect me at times.. but i try to make sure they do on themselves.. i try to show them what they are good at, and they are no less

i did. but mine was a special case. both of us were struggling with self respect. we supported each other the whole way. though its very unique in our case.. its almost as we could read each other, we know where the other person is (without talking) and what they other is thinking / feeling. n it's a lot of encouragement, understanding and embracing ourselves despite the good, bad n ugly side of us.

i think to help them by countering some of their beliefs about themselves through rational facts i guess

Be encouraging,loving and help maintain a positive attitude around them

-----

Participant list: @Anushka1 @wonderfulPumpkin71 @warmheartedgirl92 @OneLifeToLive @Heart2Heal @Caringpotato @considerateCranberry1248 @JTheElderRam @warmheartedgirl92 @Pbob @P1nkfr3ud @Mercedez @SilasEthos @SadSpaceman @PhoenixRise @Ankit1123 @Sky14 @IheartPurrrs @HimalayanHermit @considerateCranberry1248 @MissFortune89 @lovingFriend478

Awesome discussion! Thank you a lot to everybody who joined and participated!

(If this was the first discussion that you attended, please take the time to nominate yourself for the Aristotle badge by going to your My Impact page (under Me) and then pressing 'Apply for special badges' below your list of badges)

[Want to help out with discussion notes? Go here!]​