I Wish You Knew- a Poem for my Mother (TW)

I wish you knew what goes on in my head;

how my brain tells me that I’d be better off dead

I wish you could understand how hard I’m trying

How I smile and nod when I feel like crying.

I wish I could tell you this isn’t my fault

how my experience is gold, and my head’s just the vault

I want to share with you just how bad I feel

when I’m not getting better, and my wounds won’t heal

I wish you knew the hardships I’ve faced

how hard I’m trying to get to a safe place

I wish you could see all the guilt I feel

when I create new scars and can’t eat a full meal.

I want to show you this is all for you

How much I have done, when you hadn’t a clue

that my resolve was broken and I was trying my best

to attend every lesson and ace every test

I wish you could see how I fought to do chores

and to finish my homework when it was a bore

how I always follow, I wish you could see

for better or worse, you’ve shaped me.

-Rain