Deserted by my family
Completely used. And like I don
This evening I am feeling tired which is good and I am trying to move slow, breathe slow, have my phone on silent, and allow myself to recover from these relapsed. They have been so hard on my body and mind and I was not in good shape before them. Im trying desperately to believe that this will get better no matter how dark it may seem right now.
Like I will never find my place in this world
I'm feeling like floating garbage today. I want to sleep.
Fat
I'm feeling tired and isolated. I don't want to be at my house, I don't know where I want to be. I want to be content and settled.
First off, I'm new here, so I'm feeling a little overwhelmed. Lots to see, lots to take in. Emotionally, though? Yeah, that's the big question. I feel like all I'm good at lately is upsetting/disappointing my family. My kids, my wife. I feel like taking time away from work is actually a mistake, because all I seem to do is get into arguments with them. They are just fine while I'm at work. I should just leave them be. But then I come home, and I can't help but find myself in the middle of some kind of argument or uncomfortable situation. Kids didn't do their homework or their grades are sliding? I say something. Then, I'm the bad guy. They didn't do their laundry? I ask why, and I'm suddenly asking too much. Is this how every parent of teenagers feels? I honestly wonder if I shouldn't just stay at work as many hours as possible (I'm salary, so it's an option) and avoid all the drama. My anxiety is bad enough without getting into tiffs with my daughters and my wife.
I'm feeling lost. Little. I'm feeling ineffectual and redundant. Out-dated and useless. I'm not as smart as my kids, I'm not as patient as my wife. I'm high-strung and jumpy at the best of times, and irritable and a p.i.t.a. during my darker times. There's a poorly concealed side of me that just wants to scream and break something. I'm tired and angry at life. Every break I get turns into another way for me to find failure or disappointment. I know, I sound like a mini-pity party. Oh well. That's how I feel at the moment. Hell, it's felt that way for a few weeks now, but there's no end in sight, so I just stuff it down and go on.
Anyway, that's how I'm feeling.
Today I am feeling really down on myself, thinking horrible things about myself and not feeling worthy etc etc😢💔
Sad extremely sad and very down on myself
