Open when...

Open when you get this

Dear Rowan,

I am not a writer

I never was

I never have been,

Yet here i am,

Writing to you.

I get to go home tomorrow,

Im so sick of these walls

So plain and bland

The smell

The sickening stench of disinfectant

And infection

The doctors recommended

I write to you

Write you letters

For the highs and the lows

The good and the bad

They called it an ‘open when’ project

I guess giving you advice will give me perspective

Im supposed to carry this out

As your life carries on

So you have letters until you die

Who knows how long this project will last?

Who knows how long life will last?

So here is your first letter

Your first gift

Written informally

Ill get better as i go along

Forever yours,

You know who I am

P.s.

Im not signing my name,

Because that makes it final

To insinuate i am a complete being,

Right now,

Im not who i was last week

Nor who i will be tomorrow

So you know who i am

You know my name

Know my face

There isnt a need to sign my name

@AvyIsKing

Hihi Avy 💕 I love this idea 🥺 you got this! 💜

Open when you feel used

Dear rowan,

I’m not going to fill you

Full of ***

And consolation

I know it hurts

It hurts like ***

I will

Tell you a story

You were 6 years old

Just a wee one

And someone decided

You were nothing but a therapist

A device

Someone to be controlled

And Rowan do you know what?

You did it.

You triumphed.

I got to watch it destroy you

Little bit by little bit.

You were used.

You still are.

It's okay to feel used.

It's okay to be sad.

It's okay to be angry.

***, I'd set that person on fire.

But Rowan,

You are a beautiful person

A giver

A lover

A healer.

And i know you will overcome this.

People will come into your life,

Use you,

Discard you,

Like you are nothing but a dirty napkin.

But i will never do that to you,

Neither will you.

Sometimes all we have is ourselves,

And thats just fine.

It doesnt feel like enough,

And it hurts, and you are angry

You are enraged.

I can feel how angry you are

From here.

Even though you havent gotten this.

Im not a writer,

And you arent a soldier

But sometimes we just gotta do what we gotta do

And it sucks

The world sucks sometimes honey.

You can wallow but as long as at the end of the day

You get up,

And you try again,

Thats all i require.

Forever yours,

x

@AvyIsKing That's a really interesting concept. I wish you the best of success with it! :)

Open when you fall in love, and it hurts so bad. (Tw abuse and sh and ed)

Dear Rowan,

Every once in a while, you meet someone

Someone amazing 

Someone delightful 

And they set your world on fire

They make it worth it.

Every time your father hit you.

Everytime you burned yourself because you didn't feel good enough.

You are suddenly 

Good enough. 

You start eating again 

Because you wanna be healthy. 

You no longer feel a desire to draw lines across your arm. 

And yet 

It burns. 

It stings

It's heartbreaking.

Because Rowan

You've been around long enough to know 

It won't last 

And every moment that sucked 

Will suck worse 

Once they are gone 

It makes the depression worse

The anxiety worse

Because you aren't allowed to forget 

You are an abused kid 

A kid with no purpose 

A kid who just wants to burn

And feel pain.

So you fall in love 

And it's amazing 

And yoy feel happy

Then you panic 

And you leave 

Because you don't get to be happy. 

You don't allowe yourself to feel love.

You are unworthy. 

And you've ruined the best thing you will ever get. 

Rowan don't be stupid. 

I know ithurts.

But lovehurts.

August's love makes you fathers hits

Hurt worse.

Becuase the abuse was all you knew

 Now you know love. 

But rowan,

Yoy deserve to be happy. To be loved. 

Please, 

Enjoy the love.

Enjoy August. 

He's amazing. 

Love always,

X

this is a brilliant idea. love it