(fan work of haikyuu) Emotional Christmas
I am one day late but I want to write this
“You are going to spend Christmas with your boyfriend, aren’t you? I wish I could also have a significant other to spend Christmas.” Said by one of Kiryuu’s teammates of Azuma Pharmacy Green Rockets to Kiryuu. No sooner had Kiryuu came up with a proper response than another teammate snatched a chance to jest, “it’s bold of you to compare yourself to Kiryuu in this aspect, when your EQ is so low that you are likely to be single throughout your whole life.”
Kiryuu said nothing, but lightly pulled a small smile at the two, while packing up his stuff. At least, none of his teammates asked him to bring his boyfriend here as they had before, although Kiryuu could simply tell them his boyfriend was too busy to come if they did. Kiryuu wasn’t someone who enjoyed boasting about his significant other, especially when several of his teammates were still single.
It was snowy and windy. Gusts were bumping into his umbrella to flip it inside out. When Kiryuu was adjusting his umbrella, tiny lumps of snow fell on his hand reaching out to hold the edge of the umbrella, melting into water droplets and slipped down his hand. He angled his umbrella to prevent it from being flipped again, and slightly accelerate his pace. Goods for Christmas were on sale in the stores nearby, bathed in light which was spilled out through the glass to snow accumulating on the ground, causing Kiryuu to try to blink away somewhat bright dazzle of diffuse reflection from the snow.
Kiryuu made it to where he lived, turned on the lights and turned up the radiant floor heating system. He didn’t tell the truth, with the purpose of avoiding explicating what happened to his romantic relationship, or to be exact, what happened to his boyfriend, to his over curious teammates who didn’t only mind their own business. The room was gradually warming up as he had set a higher temperature for the heating system just now. If he had installed the required app on his phone and set the temperature he needed in advance, as his boyfriend had done before, he would have been able to immediately throw himself into the comfortable warmth.
Kiryuu chose not to use the attribute, “former”, which seemed cruel, to modify the word, “boyfriend”, which reminded him of happiness and sweetness. The name of his boyfriend, Usuri Michiru, was ingrained in his mind. He thought that fortunately he never said this name to his current teammates. Had he did so, it would have been likely that it occurred to someone on his team that Usuri was perhaps Kiryuu’s former schoolmate, prompting this teammate to check the volleyball match videos of Mujinazaka High when Kiryuu was in high school. Kiryuu wasn’t willing to disclose much about Usuri to them.
He took out a box stored in the cabinet and carefully wiped away the thin layer of dust from its surface. Then he opened the box and whispered the small words inscribed on the inner side of it. “Merry Christmas, Wakatsu-san. You are always the best.” He couldn’t help curling his lips upward when reading them.
There was a glass sphere music box inside, which Kiryuu cautiously took out of the box. It was a customized one, sent by Usuri to Kiryuu as a Christmas present. The glass sphere was still clean, clear and perfectly transparent. In the sphere, there were two raccoon dogs, one was stronger and the other was slimmer, adjoined each other, soundly asleep, beside a volleyball and under a Christmas tree, with many tiny flakes floating around, resembling snowflakes. Kiryuu remembered asking why Usuri chose sleeping raccoon dogs. At that time, Usuri answered with a lively and playful smile, “it’s so cold in winter and they must be sleeping. Quite cozy, right?”
Kiryuu turned on the music box. Mellow light suffused the glass sphere, with the flakes leisurely swirling and slowly drifting up and down inside. Melodious and pleasant Christmas music was wafting to Kiryuu, which sounded like the tinkling spring. Kiryuu rubbed the glass sphere with soft affection pressed to its smooth surface, and then used a handkerchief to clean up the fingerprints he left on it. He felt as if there were bittersweet liquid flowing along with the music, circulating his mixed emotion inside himself. A chaos of memories with Usuri soon joined the fluxion.
Kiryuu put the music box on the table in front of him. He leaned into a pillow next to him, and closed his eyes. He remembered that on the Christmas he received this gift, he also sat here on the sofa, cuddling with Usuri, running a hand through Usuri’s soft glossy hair, with the same nice Christmas music played by the music box winding in the air. However, only Kiryuu was here now, accompanied by the music which was melting his sentimental loneliness where gloomy nostalgia gleamed. Calm darkness was creeping up to submerge Kiryuu’s consciousness, threating to isolate it from lucid reality, and the music seemed to get more and more distant, leaving silence being amplified behind.
He dreamt of something that could only take place in fantasy. He found himself somewhere outside without any snow at all, but with mist spreading everywhere, translucent, chilly and humid. Nearly pure white moonlight dissolved into the mist. Breezes gently ruffled the mist, creating ripples in it. Kiryuu tried to look through the ubiquitous mist, but there was literally nothing to see. There were no entities here at all. The mist and the moonlight by no means helped to alleviate any emptiness.
Suddenly, mist moved and gathered to increase its density somewhere in front of him, which seemed to be congealing into a human figure, so familiar that Kiryuu felt his lungs clenching to impede his respiring. The figure started to be tinged with colors, making it seemingly come to life. Kiryuu stepped back, hearing his breath wobbling. The figure beamed at Kiryuu, “merry Christmas, Wakatsu-san! I’m surprised and glad to see you again! How is everything going?”
Tears streamed down Kiryuu’s face before he could find his own voice. He struggled to croak, “merry Christmas, Usuri. How can I ever meet you again in such a lonesome place…” Usuri was in the same clothes he wore on the last Christmas they spent together, bought by Kiryuu days before that day. Kiryuu reached out to touch Usuri’s face, with his fingers through the figure, like placing his hand on the cold and moist fog. He sighed and pulled his hand back.
“At least we can catch up for a while.” Said by Kiryuu, wiping away his tears. He shared all the things he thought interesting or meaningful with Usuri, the majority of which were related to volleyball, for Kiryuu was a professional volleyball player. Although his teammates of Azuma Pharmacy Green Rockets weren’t perfect and sometimes they could go through bad days, Kiryuu loved this team and felt himself fortunate to play volleyball with these teammates. Kiryuu was an excellent volleyball player when he was in high school, and he continued making progress in the professional team. Kiryuu described the things as vivid and detailed as possible, hoping that Usuri’s imagination of these scenes could feel as real as he had really seen.
When Kiryuu was immersed in precious happiness, Usuri suddenly interrupted, “I’m sorry, Wakatsu-san, but I think it’s time for you to go back, because you don’t belong to this place. It’s better for you to celebrate Christmas with icing gingerbread and candies in the world you are from. I wish I could go with you, but I am confined to this place and unable to leave. Thank you so much for your company, and hopefully we can meet again. Goodbye, my beloved Wakatsu-san. Take care and enjoy your life there.”
All Kiryuu saw started to fade away, and he could hear faint Christmas music wafting to him, gradually becoming clear. Kiryuu called out to Usuri, “goodbye, Usuri! I love you forever!” There was no response, and Kiryuu didn’t know if his boyfriend heard him. He was back to reality, alone again, embraced by the illumination and warmth in the room, with the music box playing melodious Christmas music in front of him. Kiryuu took out the gingerbread and candies he prepared for Christmas, ready to make a lovely gingerbread house. After all, it was more important to live happily instead of dwelling on memories.
