26 cheated on and divorced

26 and cheated on and divorced.

I am 26 years old and going through a divorce. My husband claims he was unhappy, but never showed any signs that he was unhappy in the marriage or that he didn't love me. We dated for four years and were married for three. I thought things were great and we were about to start trying for kids, but then he blindsided me and gaslighted me one day when I came back from a work trip. He said I was naggy, controlling, and overly critical and that he did not love me anymore. The second he brought up those issues, I immediately began therapy, read self-help books, and worked to change my behavior. I never argued with him, but acknowledged what he said and told him I would work on myself so that he never felt that way again.

He wanted me to fight with him when he brought up my flaws so that it would be easier to say " I want a divorce," but I was so willing to do whatever to repair the relationship, he had to go intentionally hurt me over and over again. He is having an emotional affair with a woman who I thought was my friend. He claims they never did anything physical, but I would be a fool to believe that. Even if I did believe him, an emotional affair is more painful in my eyes because it means I was replaced before I even knew there was a problem. He continued to talk and hang out with her and refused to do couples counseling. I was so distraught that I even agreed to be okay with the affair at first. Even on my birthday when I asked him to stop messaging her he wouldn't.

The divorce will now be finalized in the first week of December. I am just so heartbroken and I feel like everything that I knew and wanted in my life is gone. Our plan was to start having children and I made irreversible career moves the month before this started to help us with the beautifully drawn-up plan. Meanwhile, he was already cheating on me and he let me make this career move which I am now stuck with the consequences.

We are all in the military where adultery is illegal. An investigation is going now which is bringing more stress into my life, because they’re denying everything and making it like I’m crazy so they don’t get in trouble. All I want is my ex back and he will never ever come back or even talk to me ever again. I don’t even think he’ll come to the court hearing.

I still miss him terribly or rather the man that I thought he was. I am grieving losing him, meanwhile, he has been going out with her in public and I feel like he doesn't think about me at all. I feel so weak and I am constantly breaking down at every little thing. I just don't know how someone I was so loyal to and loved so deeply could hurt me like this. I just feel like I am drowning and there is nothing that can save me.