27 years of marriage unraveling
My wife was caught with another man a couple years ago. We have tried to move on but I can’t get past it . We have built a nice life that neither want to lose and I feel like that’s what we are both holding onto. I completely trusted this woman our entire relationship but now I find out this wasn’t the first time. She has little interest in talking about it and just wants it to be looked over. Our marriage was never perfect but now there is a hatred and hurt in me that I can’t shake. I have no interest in starting over but I could use a little advice
27 years is a long time to be with someone, I can understand where your hate and hurt comes from. You thought you knew your wife and now that hate Is actually the feeling of betrayal you trusted her all these years and didn't know. Her wanting to bypass it is guilt. It may not seem like a good sign but it is. She knows what she did wasn't ok. In order for you to move on your questions need to be answered in a calmly matter. And time. There's gotta be a reason for her actions and if you know then you guys can work on it. Every relationship faces this hardship somewhere. It depends on both of you where you want to go after the fact. Whether you lose it all or not.
@aloneagain1971- that is a long time to try to get over her cheating. Did you go to couples counseling or work with a professional at any time. Attempting to weather through it on your own is challenging at the least and almost impossible unless both of you are committed to the relationship 100%. Best of luck to you.
This was hard for me to read. I just turned 56 I've been with my husband for 36 year and married 33 years of those 36 years. I found out last year July 26, 2021 that he cheated again after a 10 year gap in his several times of cheating earlier in our marriage.
He has done the same thing, just wanting to forgive, forget and move on. I've done that several times before. I kept trying because I love him, because i had not been with anyone but him, because he is my first love, because he showers me with my wants, because we had younger children, because, I couldn't imagine another man touching me intimately, because when I was sick he took care of me and a ton of other reason. This time I decided enough is enough. I deserve better. I deserve real and true love, loyalty, faithfulness, I deserve to be the one and only. But that is my decision. I realized because I kept forgiving, forgetting and moving on again and again...I became the ENABLER of his cheating. He even said as much. He said " I never thought that we couldn't make it through anything". His thought came from me constantly forgiving, forgetting and moving on so many times before.
Do I love him?... with all my heart but does he love me with all of his and do I deserve to receive the type of love that I have for him? Am I hurt, yes. Will my hurt heal, yes. Do I trust him, no. Will I ever trust him again no.
I said all of that to say... you have questions to ask yourself and answers that only you have. I will say this... People will treat you by what you tolerate.
I hope you find the answers you need.