2nd marriage!

I want to scream! But I can’t stop crying. I always give all of myself, I always blindly accept everything and everyone else but I never get the same. Why?! I jumped into this new marriage quickly because I thought he truly loves me. Truly accepted me without any hang ups. Boy was I wrong.

I get called a because I’m honest. Not because I cheated. Not because I lied. But because I’m honest about my past. I’m honest about my friends. But of course he has lied and I accepted it.

I can’t live knowing I failed at another marriage. I just can’t. My family will laugh at me. This is why i didn’t want anyone to know we got married in the 1st place, so if it crashed and burned only I would know. But nope he has a big mouth.

it’s so heartbreaking that he doesn’t even care! He has not touched me since we have had this talk. This bed has never been this cold. And I am freezing. I can’t stop crying. I don’t know what to do. Should I just pack my shit up and go?

I was supposed to be on the road! By myself! This is one of the reason why I tried to just let him fuck. Because I’m tired of starting only to not be accepted. Now I don’t even want to be on the road unless it’s with him. Pathetic! I had it all planned out to be on the road alone for months. But noooooooo! I had to go and fall head over heels in love with a man who I accepted everything about. Who I told everything about myself to make sure he was open and willing to accept and love me. Every part of me. But that’s a lie. I don’t know what to do. Continue to come to this bed and act like everything is ok? I don’t know if I can do that again or for how long.

He turns over I know he is awake. I know he hears me typing, I know he knows my heart is broken yet he says nothing to comfort me. I’m so sad. My heart hurts so bad. And I can’t do a damn thing about it because I did this to myself once again.

I guess it must be better not to tell the truth. Welp for the 2nd time in my life in my 2nd marriage I’m going to stuff my feelings down. Put a fake smile on my face and act like I have it all together and everything is fine. 😁😢

(Edited by @CheeryMango to remove expletives)