2 things a once
I came over to my ex's house and he was high eating pizza. We had been on and off again for a couple weeks and I came over as a surprise to directly say that I wanted to be there for him and help him through anything. I asked him to make the decision if he wanted to be with me or not because I thought it was stupid for us to be apart when I wanted to be there for him through what he was going through mentally. His dog and cat (which we got together before this) came and sat on my lap and he said "I wish I could take a picture of this and save this moment". And when I kept reassuring him and saying I loved him and we could could get through anything together and I wanted to him to just say yes or not to being together he said "no because my family and friends have seen how hurt/how much I've cried and I cant do that to them, how would I explain it?".
I've been struggling with understanding how someone could talk about marriage and kids and getting animals together and even saying the thing about holding onto me and the animals but then turn around and say no to being together because of other people and what they think.
How do I move on?
@Kyblacksheep
Hi, sweetheart. Well, it is not easy that someone is more lenient towards choosing their parents more than their spouse. It sounds like that he is wanting desperately for his family's approval that he will not be hurt again. And if his family feels that he will be hurt again by a specific person, they will not approve of the relationship. I do not know if you met the parents, but if you have not, it is best to stay from away until you are ready to meet them yourself.
It will not be easy to move forward from this since you truly deeply love this guy and it sounds like it is still bothering you. As much that you want to be there for him, his family are put first before you. My suggestion is that you should get away from him and wait until he comes to you. If he loves you as much as love you, he will come to you and prove that he feels the same as you. SInce he has been hurt in the past, it sounds that the next person, in this case, you, it will happen again. Maybe his trust has been broken and he cannot seem what is love is anymore. The only people he trust more is the family and depends on him for protecting his heart.
As crazy as that sounds, it left you hurt in the process. I would say accept that you are feeling this way and know that it will not leave you overnight. Every emotion that you feel, you will have to let it all in and allow that time for you let go. Discover what things that make you happen, connect with friends that you have not talked in a while, and get outside and enjoy some air on your front porch or backyard. I feel that this is the way to release some stress on yourself and not focus on the things and/or people that does not mean you not good.
You love him and that is good that you do. But give him some room to patch things up on his end. And when the time is right, things will be figured out on its own.
I hope that my advice helps!
Feel free to respond back if you have something else on your mind.
OriginalBeauty9103
@originalBeauty9103
Hey thank you so much for your kind words! I'm definitely going to take your advice about giving him space and moving on. The reason I dont think it's very fair that that was his reasoning, is because I've met his entire family before multiple times and stayed over for weekends to help out. His family loves me and I've helped out with cooking and various family projects just to try and accommodate myself for them as much as possible. However, his friends have been against me most of the time because I'm not the whole drugs/partying scene as they really were. I dont think it's fair that he was choosing them over someone who's been there through thick and thin for him.
@Kyblacksheep
And that is not your fault at all, Things tend to flash before our eyes and that is okay. It can mean that it is an eye-opener for you to be aware and do not let your guard down too easily when the full package haven't been dropped off at your front door step (I am using a metaphor, sorry for that lol). You are wonderful person and you deserved to be cherished, honored, and deeply loved by someone who sees you without even thinking twice or second guessing. You are the prize. The question that you should ask yourself: how much do you value you?
OriginalBeauty9103
@Kyblacksheep
It seems to me that he values the approval of others over having a relationship with you. This seems to come from his lack of maturity.
The on again off again of your relationship demonstrates that you want different things. Whatever the reason that you separate and get back together is not a healthy relationship.
Perhaps you may like to enrol in a self awareness course, and gain self empowerment.
Broken hearts do mend.
