2 years of dating, one month into the marriage and we’re considering divorce
Hello everyone, unfortunately its to hard for me to put out the whole story but I’ll try to make it brief..
Me and my husband dated for two years and we had our ups and downs but we fell hard for each other. Both our families we’re against our relationship for lots of reasons thats we couldn’t control.
we got secretly married and applied for a visa to a different country to start a new life.
the problem i have is that my husband is a narcissist and most of the times he’s trying to be the victim even when i dont so anything to start an argument.
he changed quickly after we got married, he became strict
for example: dont put lipstick dont wear this dont talk to her and so on
i cant say that he doesn’t love me, he does and he showed me that by his actions lots of times but his short temper is really ruining me
99% of the times when he starts an argument i just apologize and agree with him even if I didn’t do anything just to end the argument but every time i feel worse i feel like im loosing my personality
i know that I’ve should’ve known better than staying with him and even marrying him but i love him so much and he has stood by my side so many times when even my parents didnt and he helped me in every way possible
i feel horrible because even though we’ve been married for a month we’ve already mentioned divorce like 3 times
i dont know what to do i just need some advice on how to handle this
how could i make him stop acting like that?
i do whatever he says and agree with everything but its never enough
I am sorry to read about your marriage. His behavior is not acceptable in a marriage. Marriage is about partnership, mutual respect and love. I can't tell you what to do, but I can tell you that his controlling behaviour about what you wear and who you speak with are red flags. You've also been relocated and isolated from your family, another red flag.
I understand that you love him. Staying with him is a choice only you can make. But remember this: if you choose to stay with him, let it be for the man that he is, and not the man that you want him to be. His current actions and behaviors is a reflection of who he is. You can't change his behavior and trying to will only aggravate the situation. But you shouldn't waste away and just submit either. Don't forget to love yourself too. You are important, and you matter. Remember that.
Totally agree with shadow kitty. Those are totally red flags. I would get out before it’s too late. Before you have kids!! I can relate to some of the things you have said. But this is just the beginning for you… it’s too late for me as I have kids but it doesn’t sound like you do. I would get out now, don’t wast your time and youth. You deserve better xx
It's good sign that you are aware of the:
▪situation you are in, How you feel and what you are in need of. consider ways to effectively communicate your thoughts and requests to those around you so that they can help you better.
▪the pros and cons of the marriage(i.e what actions of his actions show he loves you? v.s he doesn't like that you talk to who you'd like outside of the marriage)
▪When Mental health is involved, it's key to reach out for guidance. How can You make it better? And when the answers, insights, solutions, help is given, take it and find that passion to protect your love, both for yourself and eachother.
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