A Difficult Breakup

Yesterday I broke up with my boyfriend of 7 months. He is such an amazing person, with a heart of gold. I love him deeply and my heart is broken. He was nothing but loving a supportive of me throughout our relationship, and I hope I showed him the same because I care for him so much. I believe we had a healthy relationship--good communication and support. Unfortunately, I've recently struggled with a lot of inner turmoil, confusion and pain--my mental health has been severely struggling. Ive even been questioning my sexuality. The past few times we've hung out I just couldn't squash the emotions and struggles I've been feeling. I consistently cried whenever we were together, which I felt horrible about even though he reassured me it was okay. When we should have been having a nice time, I was in my head--dissociating and trying to hold back tears from unknown reasons.

This is the first time I have ever had to breakup with someone, and I feel like an evil person because I know how much pain and suffering that is caused from heartbreak. I shouldnt have gotten into a relationship before taking time to myself, and getting help, and now Im facing the consequences. I love him so much, but I need help, and I don't feel strong enough to be in a relationship right now. I hate that I hurt him, and I wish I could be with him and everything would be okay, but I think I really just need to seek help. I wish I could take all of his pain right now.