Abusive Ex Suddenly Wants to Pick Up Stuff
I am very stressed out right now. A few months ago, I finally ended a long-relationship that was extremely unhealthy. While my ex would sometimes text me (never calling and certainly never called the house number), I stood my ground and ignored him. Two weeks ago, I was in a car accident and he texted me asking if I was OK. I freaked out and wondered how he found out and went to the insurance company the next day and found out that his number was still on file. I told the insurance to remove it and I finally blocked his number from my phone. For some reason, I didn't have it in me to block him until that moment.
Over the summer, I got a new job that I'm pretty content with. But it came crashing down last week when my ex showed up at the customer service desk where I was at. As soon as I saw his face, I went to the back and had a panic attack and told a co-worker about what went down. Thankfully, my co-worker was very supportive and gave me some reassurance. However, what was very odd was that my ex was with another girl and a baby that had to be at least 8 months old. Doing the math in my head, he was likely cheating on me for at least a year and sadly I'm not surprised at all (another long story).
Today, my ex actually called my dad to tell him that he was returning his laptop and picking up his belongings. For several months this year, my dad has been asking my ex to pick up his stuff that he left in the basement. However, my ex frequently ignored his calls and texts. I found it interesting that he told my dad that he wanted to come over when I wasn't home and actually apologized for bothering him.
After several months, why does he think he can waltz back in like nothing? Why does he suddenly want to return something when he typically almost never returns anything that is lent to him. And since when did he start caring about stuff he left behind. I'm very worried that he might have an ulterior motive and I just want to be safe...
You're doing well to be cautious - one can never be too cautious when it comes to abusive exes!
The rule number one of safety is to always meet only when other people are around. So maybe you can arrange to collect his things and give them to him - or even better, have someone else giving them to him - in a public space. And in the same occasion, you can let him know that you wish for no more contact with him.
You did well so far. You avoided him as mucj as possible and put yourself in a safe position. Keep looking for support when needed, and always stay safe!
@Aayla Thank you so much! My dad says that he only wants my ex to get his stuff from the shed and not enter the shed. But I also told my dad to invest in a home security system. My ex has never threatened me or my family, but I can't be too careful.
@fairmindedCherry5423 anything that makes you feel safe is good! Plus, it would also be a good investement regardless of your ex.
@fairmindedCherry5423 I think you have every right to be cautious and I'm sorry you're going through that right now (but glad that your co-worker was supportive!)
Couldn't say what your ex has as a motive. Abusers are abusers. From your post, I'd say he feels he can come back into your life just because. It's his stuff or whatever and therefore he has a right to pick them up. He doesn't see it from your POV (because he's an abuser) and so of course he has no idea that his presence upsets you so.
This might be outside of your post, but I'd perhaps urge you to tell more people about his behavior. If he showed up to your WORK he knows where you are at that time, and that can be scary. I'm not saying that he will absolutely do so or to scare you, but at best he doesn't understand boundaries and it may be useful for people (especially since you have your co-worker as a witness) to know what's up.
Good luck. Please stay safe.