Advice needed: Ex comes back gets supply then leaves
I was the dumpee.
My ex was the dumper.
We were in a longterm commited relationship. 4+ years.
My ex left me with no reason other than "I dont want this relationship anymore".
My ex knows I am committed and still love them 1 year on.
They get back in touch from time to time and I get very hot/cold behaviours. Hot and high interest. But then It goes cold. When I ask why, all i get is: "you know why, the same reason we broke up, leave me alone dont contact me".
I was never told why. The day prior to breakup we were day dreaming about a wedding flicking through brochures and the next day I got home to a message, a voicemail saying: "dont contact me again"
I am so confused with the behaviour. Its so up/down hot/cold and all over the place. I am not even allowed to approach the subject with them or they bolt and block me for months on all forms of contact.
I love this person. They seem to know that and take full advantage of that. Manipulating me into a position of being unable to move. If I ask anything they drop me and block me. I feel like a battery charger. They only come back when they are feeling low and need a supply once charged im dropped again. Continuous cycle. I have suggested change but they simply say "no, I dont want to talk about it, I keep telling you this, dont ask me again".
Any advice on how to approach this? I am so stressed about it (they know this). I dont understand how someone can be so disrespectful, especially when you care for them and have never treated them bad. They also lie alot too, about anything and everything. I usually look past the (small things) but one (big thing) happened which I needed to address. They were caught out (the only time they were truthful was when a booking showed proof) they got extremely angry and try to turn it on me.
Im lost, confused and am in need of some friendly help/advice please.
Don't put up with it. I've had relationship like that too. Trying to make out it's your fault. I promise once you leave you might feel hurt but your get a relationship which isn't like that again aslong you don't get anyone treat you in a certain way. I know it's easy for you to carry on as you feel the hurt but the hurt will be a reaction but not a ongoing one. Any guy wouldn't treat you like that if they were good. Not everyone your meet will be like him. I would learn from this and write down the relationship problems and the guy who you were with looking at his personality what you want from the next one. So ask yourself if you want someone who's loving, respectful, kind or approachable. Not someone who mistreats you and lies. Look at the personality of someone first them the rest of it and look at there back history cuz that is very important so please write down what you got out of this relationship which was bad and what you're not looking for again. I don't know if you said is an ex sounds like it but this is a good way to move on and put yourself out there again but not straight away until you know what you want and who. There's loads of guys who wanna meet you who wanna treat you well and had the same happen. Don't give up. Your better then him and can do better alot. Also with a relationship not being a good one not saying you're wasn't but it can make you feel alot of things which you feel has impacted on you alot and you believe but really it's not you but its how the relationship chsgrrf you so it's not you what changed it was you relationship what changed you and not In a good way. You should never change in a relationship but if it's you changing and your partner or you wanna change something what only your partner feels or you is causing distress and hurt if it's physical or mental then working together is a way to improve it but anything not positive to make the relationship change better then take a break. Move on but make sure you look after yourself and improve your self worth and confidence. Your esteem cuz this is good time to with everything going on. Ok
@TreaureSeekers3
Thank you for your advice it is appreciated, I think writing it down journaling will be helpful.
Thank you.
@Im so sorryvthst happrned. You were owrd an expplanatipn. Wondering if they just ting if threy just chickened.oul
@IntrovertedOldSoulunfortunitrly it sound like it might be time to rearrange your life, including no painful contact. You are letting you self in for more if you see them .
@selfconfidentMeloyou deserv domr one who yreats.you well. Sorry about the bad typingn5824