Advice please
Hi all Ive been with my wife for 20 years and married 8 we have 3 beautiful children. Weve had a lot of relationship problems with her own family using her for there own gain. Money problems etc I suppose it all started about 15 years ago my older brother tried to sleep with my wife on more than one occasion and then we were on a night out and he plied me with drink and then took me back to his house and then took my house keys out my pocket and tried to gain entry into my house where my wife and children were sleeping fortunately my neighbour heard and he left. That was enough for my wife to tell me what he had been up to he was trying to grope my wife and force her legs apart. As you can imagine I was broken by this. It took me years of therapy to try and trust people again and have friends over without thing they have there own agenda pathetic I know. Then last week my wifes friends partner who she has only been with for a year and they now have a newborn baby together. And apparently he has had a battle with alcohol and drugs and that his partner and newborn baby are his saviour. But he keeps texting my wife poetry about how hes overcome his demons and he sends my wife pictures of himself with his newborn baby which I find very strange. I mean who texts another mans wife a picture of him and his newborn baby and his poetry messages I feel are so personal why does he feel the need to share them with someone he barley knows. Is this normal or am I being paranoid
@Gunner04
How do you know the details of his texts to her?
@0m my wife's phone went of in the middle of the night and It was him so I checked what had been sent
@Gunner04
In that case, you're mistaken about just one point. She isn't "someone he barely knows".
Unfortunately you've had some issues in the marriage that were neither of your faults, but may have contributed to some emotional distance while you both dealt with it in your own ways. As you figure out how to deal with this challenge, please do remember not all emotional connects necessarily mean an emotional affair. Sometimes boundaries get blurred inadvertently and it's easier to set right with kind compassionate discussion as opposed to harsh accusations.
@Gunner04
Hi,
let me say first, that I went through trust problems too. I was betrayed by members of my family and of people, I thought were friends of mine. From my personal experience, I can tell that trusting people again, is a very long way. There are different ways of how people betray/misuse our trust. But they all hurt and they all are an act of disrespect to our person. It is very hurtful. No one likes to experience that and that's the reason why we avoid trusting again. That is very normal and in a way a healthy reaction. And now you are confronted with a situation, that reminds you very much of that, what you've gone through. The questions and doubts you have, are normal. You have been hurt and you fear to be hurt again. You are suspicious, you are cautious. But you are not paranoid!
What did your wife say about the poem and the picture? Is she fine with that or did she find it strange too?
@MAE1701 no she didn't find it strange which made me question it
@Gunner04
Have you told her how you feel? Not in a judgemental or angry way, but so that she understands that this causes you to worry and anxiety?
