Alone forever
My life seems to be on a downward spiral. I have coursed a lot of damage in my life to the ones I love witch has lead to mu divorce. Only a mouth in and I feel like I wouldn't make it through the year. My ex is so hurt and mad at me and believes that I no longer have the right to be in a relationship. The self-loathing that I feel agrees with her I am so scared that all the feeling of unworthiness I have will lead me to just doing yhe same thing to someone else. But I am so tried of hurting and hurting others that I am tru to be better. I am trying to learn to love myself sk I can be a better father and a better friend to my ex and maybe just maybe find happiness with someone else but I feel so guilty and angry at both myself fr all the things that I have done and with her for saying that. I don't know what to do
@wolfman77 Gosh I am really sorry to hear your guilt, and it is a very very sad situation for you both. I hear you saying she is mad at me and you feel that way too. I see you are scared of repeating those mistakes, and after a situation like that it is very very difficult to pick yourself up. But I am so happy to see you try and I hope you are able to handle those feelings soon. It is a very hopeless situation, is there anything you can do that might help easen the tension with her?
She doesn't want me talking to other women or going for support (I really don't have a support system) I did things that I am very guilty about to people who where innocent,and she wants to pay for those things. I agree with a how she feels a lot but I am trying to stop my cycle of self-loathing. I want to believe that one day I can love myself but it's made even harder when the only person who has ever loved me thinks other wise.
@wolfman77 Gosh I hear you, I understand. She does feel a lot of anger towards you and I see that you feel that anger and guilt too, like you've internalised her words. I hear you, it is very difficult to pick yourself up after something like that and I am here for you. I know you are strong and can deal with this and love yourself even if she doesn't love you anymore.
O don't think it's that she doesn't care about me it's she feel like she has to stand guard and protect other women form my toxic self hate and doesn't want anyone else getting hurt by me.
@wolfman77 Gosh oh no I am sorry to hear that, it sounds like her behaviour is preventing you from making new relationships? I am guessing it adds up to your guilt by giving a sad reminder of how you hurt her. I hope things get better for you soon and I hope you are able to get a second chance for yourself.
She doesn't want me to have any new relationships at all. She doesn't even want me to talk with what few friends I have about my feelings or about our situation
@wolfman77 Gosh I am really sorry to hear she thinks and acts this way and you feel like you deserve it. Does she actively interfere and try to sabotage your relationships?