An Unknown Deadline

@greenTurtle4480

Hey there, hopefully you are doing well. There's a few things I would like to point out;

So I've gone through a lot of relationship issues. I've been cheated on and left for someone else in almost every relationship that I've been in. (This tells me the kind of partner you have dated could possibly have certain traits as one of your caregivers, since we are attracted to what's familiar. You have been attracting these kind of partner on an unconcious level, this is definetly a pattern) I gave myself a break, spent 2 years just trying to get comfortable with myself and worked on regaining all of my confidence before I started dating again. I met this girl and we started off very casual, which I liked. I wanted to take the relationship slow and let it progress naturally. (This is probably going to make you rush it) "Whatever happens, happens." I told her. I was happy because i knew I had time. She confronts me within a month of the relationship. By this point I find myself in adoration of her. (This probably made you put her in a pedestal, and there were certain behaviors you showed that could possibly turn her off) She says shes going to join the Air Force as an officer. I'm happy for her, that was a dream of mine once too. She then told me that she doesn't want a relationship going in. (This actually means she doesn't want a relationship with you. A woman who is crazy in love with you wouldn't be saying these kind of things, something else must had happened) We agreed that we would end it when she goes to basic training.She hasnt really applied yet, as they aren't accepting applications. So I dont even know when my last day with her could be. It could be next year, it could be in 2 years. (Be careful with this thought process...you are starting to enter panic mode and then you'll start to rationalize things, which most of those things will fueled by anxiety.) Now I feel rushed, anxious to spend as much time with her as I can and make as many moments with her as I can. (This thought process might make you do and say things that will push her away) I find myself hoping that she'll come back when shes ready after 4 years of service. (I know you love her and want to be with her, but you shouldn't put your life on hold like this for someone who said "I don't want a relationship going in".) Now I'm scared that all of my anxiety is ruining the relationship; (The anxiety is coming from fear of abandonment and fear you will lose her for good. You got to be careful with anxiety because it will to pull her close, which will make her pull away from you) not allowing for things to happen naturally. (It is important to let things happen naturally, but with anxiety you will end up trying to force the interaction to happen. You have to learn how to soothe your own anxiety before you make certain mistakes that might kill her attraction for you) I'm terrified that I dont have enough time and dont know how to handle these thoughts so that the relationship stays healthy. (What you fear, you attract, so if you fear losing her or not having enough then that's what will happen. You have to focus on what you can control while thinking about what you want to happen such as; "I want her to feel attracted to me", "I want to make her laugh and have a good time with me", "I want her to have the best time of her life", "I want her to enjoy every minute before she leaves", your mind will focus on doing the positive if you are able to focus on what you want to happen. I'll give you an example, lets say a person had a car accident. The try to drive again, but their mind is full of "I'm afraid of another accident", "I don't want to go through another accident", so they will cause that to happen, but if they focus on "I want to drive safely", and "I want to arrive home safe", then it helps them do the right thing)