Any chance she might come back?

@richdeniro I would just try to move on if it wasn't meant to be then it wasn't meant to be there are other women out there that will stick with you and not leave you so abrutly i am sorry it didn't work out

@richdeniro

Hey there, hopefully you are doing well. There's a few things I would like to point out;

Basically back at the beginning of January I met a slightly older woman and we kind of hit it off, I'm 38 by the way. Well to cut a long story short, I was seeing her quite intensely... I don't really know how to describe the relationship as we weren't boyfriend/girlfriend but it was a lot more than friends with benefits. (True, but you both felt this strong attraction and infatuation for one another) She's 45, three kids and just divorced although she's still living with her ex-husband (This is a strange situation...if they are divorced then theres no need to live in the same house even if the house is taking a long time to get sold. Something else must be going on here....)- they been separated for 18 months now, have separate rooms and the house is up for sale although taking forever to sell but they are also trying to make it easy on their kids.

Anyway so the story is that from January to May we were seeing each other pretty intensely, almost every night and we even went away for Valentines Day and her birthday. When we weren't together it was whatsapp 24/7. (This probably felt incredible, magical, passionate and this huge attraction, but the problem becomes when there's no space in the relationship. She won't have enough time to miss you and wonder about you, and its going to slowly cause to feel strange about this. It's going to kill attraction and feelings after awhile of this, it would have been better to stay off the phone) Everything was going good but at the end of April she started saying things like she felt she was holding me back from meeting someone my own age and possibly having a family of my own, (These are just excuses of her for her feeling unsure and a bit smothered, its almost as if she was trying to pushed you into the arms of someone else so she wouldn't have to breakup) I told her to stop overthinking (You are overlooking what she said, instead of asking her why she felt that way) but she was adamant that we should take a break. (This communicates she felt smothered, perhaps felt too familiar and close to you which made her feel unsure about things) So we went for three weeks in May without any contact, I got back in touch with her (You shouldn't reach out first to someone that says "i need a break", let them be the one to reach out) and we chatted a bit and she dropped the bombshell that she had started seeing someone. (That really sucks, it must have felt awful hearing what she said) It hit me quite hard and I went a week feeling like rubbish in all honesty and eventually messaged her a long winded message saying I wanted her to be happy and couldn't do the friend thing. (You did all of this to cause a reaction and to force a connection with her. You shouldn't go along with being friends, but you should have told her that the minute she talked about seeing someone else, not after a week) I then blocked her and deleted her from FB. (This was an impulsive decision being made from feeling hurt) Kept her blocked for about a week before messaging her just before I went on holiday for a few days saying I had fallen for her, (You are going after someone who wanted a break from you and mentioned she is seeing someone else...this is going to cause her to not message you or want to be around you. You are saying "i had fallen for her" as a way to cause a reaction and to make her be close to you) wanted to be with her, didn't care about the complications, baggage, etc, etch. It was all true. (Perhaps, but remember she wanted a break, saying all of this comes from a place of feeling anxious and fear of losing her)

We then arranged to meet up when I got back and went for a meal and to the cinema at the beginning of June, (Avoid having dates on the cinema, it makes it harder to have an interaction with her) I fully expected us to just be friends (No, you are saying this because of your anxiety and fear of loss, so you would have been okay with any contact) and she was going to let me down gently after having sent that message but in the cinema she held my hand (this means she has some sort of attraction even though you came on too strong with the messages) and then afterwards we went back to mine. I thought we were back together. I asked her about the guy she had been seeing (You shouldn't ask a woman about this, it communicates you were anxious and fearful about this other guy. This is going to make her feel unsure again, in the future stay off these kind of topics) and she said it was over and nothing, was just a couple of dates. A couple of days later she was working in another part of town and her company put her up so I went to stay over at the hotel she had been put up in and we went out in the evening, (Did she invited you to stay? if you went there unannounced then she will feel smothered and turn off by you It's like you are forcing your presence upon on her out of fear you could lose her) the entire night she seemed really distracted and was on whatsapp a lot,(This tells me she didn't want to spend that evening with you, and saw her phone as a priority) almost every opportunity she had like when I went to the bar or the toilet. I called her up on it (This comes from a place of "You don't care about me", "Im not good enough", "pay attention", "im scared someone else is getting your attention", so this will cause her to feel mad and annoyed with you) and she said it was nothing. We saw each other a few other times in June but it was constantly on my mind.

I had also noticed that she wasn't messaging me anywhere as near as much as when we first got together and it sounds a bit stalkery but everytime I went on Whatsapp I could see she was online, I'd message her (It's a bad idea to initiate contact a woman who wanted a break, told you she was with someone else, was too busy on her phone when you went to see her and is not messaging you as much. You are trying to force a connection, becoming fearful of losing her, so you end up messaging her first. You shouldn't contact her first at all, she should be the one doing that) and even though she was online it would take sometimes an hour to respond and it felt like someone was more her priority. (Thats what it shows...) Throughout most of June it just felt like I was making all the effort to message her and it was a chore to her. (You are going after someone who wanted a breakup, told you she was seeing someone, was too "busy" on whatsapp when you saw her, and makes you wait a long time. You shouldn't reward her by reaching out first, it's not going to get you anywhere. You have to stop all of this reaching out first, let her do all of it) She also kept going out with her friends on a Friday or Saturday night rather than see me. (That's why you should hang back and let her message you first) Then a couple of weeks ago she came over to mine and we were on the sofa watching tv but she then went on whatsapp, a few times she leaned forward so I wouldn't be able to see who she was messaging. (I don't know if you reached out first or she reached out first, but if you reached out first then that's how she is going to behave. ) I caught a glimpse of her whatsapp and there was 4 numbers there where she hadn't saved them as a contact so instead of a name you just see +4479 and then the rest of the number. I'm assuming now these were guys who had given her their numbers on nights out or something along those lines.

This was massively bugging me so a few days after that I sent her a long message asking what was going on (its a bad idea to send these kind of messages to her. I want you to really think about it, she acts disinterest and takes her time getting back to you when you reach out first. Those long messages comes from anxiety, trying to force a connection with her. This behavior of yours has to stop completly) and if she was in an emotional relationship with someone else (It's a bad idea to ask her this, it communicates you are unsure about yourself. You couldn't soothe your anxiety and uncertainty, so you started sending messages and asking her inappropiate questions) and she wrote back saying that she wasn't seeing anyone but in a roundabout way was keeping her options open - she's always maintained that long term she needs someone her own age and who also has kids. (This is another excuse she is using to not hurt your feelings, its her way of saying that you are making her feel smothered.) I didn't really know what to think and she said can we just keep things casual. (She is telling you here to not start any drama) I didn't really want to but kind of agreed but she kept coming up with excuses whereby she couldn't see me. (If you keep reaching out first then she will give you a million excuses of why she can't see you, but she will be open to see you if she is the one reaching out first)

We met up for a drink two weeks ago and spoke a bit about it (I can tell your anxiety came up and you brought up things you were not supposed to. If you make her laugh then she will feel positive with you, but if you send her long messages, ask her if she is on a relationship or other unsure behaviors then she is going to feel negative around you) and she asked if it were possible for us just to be friends. (This is her way of saying she is very turn off by your behavior) I told her I don't think I can and said I obviously want more, told her to sleep on it (You did great here) and the next night she sent me a message saying: "Rich sorry but gonna take a break I'm sorry don't worry I won't block you as we can still stay in touch x things are different in not feeling it anymore x sorry x". (I would have told her "Oh okay I understand, take much time as you need then get back in touch with me when you are ready" and then i would have let her contact me) I asked if there was someone else (This is an inappropiate question that comes from your anxiety, this is going to turn her off even more) and she replied with "Of course I meet people when I go out I suppose i won't know what I'm looking for until it hits me". The final message she sent read "I suppose I just need to fancy someone more please don't feel bad I know you have tried harder lately buts it's not enough sorry".(It's why you shouldn't do anything after this)

And that's it really, I didn't reply to that and haven't contacted her since. (You did great by doing this) She messaged me the night after ending it with 'You ok?' (You see what I mean? she reaches out to you when you do nothing. I would have ask her out here) and I didn't reply (You are ignoring her now...its a bad idea...) and a couple of days ago tried to reach out if you can call it that by challenging me to a game of Words with Friends on Facebook, again I ignored and have today deleted her as a Facebook friend. (It's a bad idea deleting her off facebook because its going to cause negative feelings in her, this shows you felt really hurt, but its your choice) Going through a second break up with her in the space of a couple of months and it sucks a bit I suppose. the next couple of weeks are going to be tough as we had planned to go away on holiday but now I'm wondering what she's doing and who she is with as her ex-husband is away for two weeks with the kids.

I guess it's probably finally over and just wanted to write it all down to get it off my chest and maybe get some advice. My head is all over the place really. Do you think she'll get back in touch with me at some point again? (I don't know because you deleted her as a friend..., but you shouldn't do any reach out at this point....) I don't know what I'll do if she does. (Have her come to your house to have a romantic night)

Really struggling this weekend. I know her ex-husband and kids are on holiday for two weeks so am assuming she's using the time along to meet at least one other guy. I know this sounds horribly stalky but last weekend I could see she she was barely online on whatsapp at all, she's usually someone who is glued to her phone except when she is with a significant other so it just hurts to know. She's also someone who throws herself into new relationships at the beginning with everything she has so it hurts double knowing she is likely being very intimate with him.

I realised what I was doing so I deleted our chat history and her phone number so I am unable to do that anymore but it still hurts I guess.

Ugh I made the mistake of adding her number back into my phone last night. I know I shouldn't have but I'd had a few drinks after work.

Didn't message her but just saw that she was online on Whatsapp for most of the evening which in all likelihood means that she is seeing someone new. I did think she was as her ex husband and kids were away for two weeks earlier this month so I assume she used the freedom and time to get into something new. Plus obviously she hasn't reached out in the time since saying she wanted to take a break.

Has made me feel awful today. I won't be doing that again.

Feels like I'm back to square one again six weeks after she ended it with me.

Well despite doing so much better over the last few weeks and months, I did something I shouldn't have done out of curiosity and had a look at her Facebook page.

I saw a photo of her with another guy from a month or so ago, they are quite clearly a couple and it must be pretty serious as she had gone on holiday to the Caribbean with him along with her kids. I assume they would have got together fairly soon after we broke up as 4 months would be a fairly short amount of time to introduce a new partner to your children, let alone go on holiday with them I would have thought.

Anyway I am still doing ok, guess I'm just a little sad about it. In a way it might help me get the closure I've needed as she's clearly moved on and isn't coming back. Seeing this a couple of months ago would have floored me but I don't feel too bad considering. Despite the sadness I even thought to myself upon seeing the photo 'I hope she is happy'.