Banged my roommate, it got serious and now it's all sorts of weird. lol
So I live in a house with 4 men, I'm the only female. I was here for about a year before that 4th roommate showed up. Tall, bald and bearded, right up my ally. lol I tried to keep it strictly as a roomie relationship but New Years rolled around, we had both somewhat recently gotten out of a relationship (kinda rebounding) and we were fairly drunk. So I climbed that sexy mofo like a tree and it turned out we were very sexually compatible. Naturally, it kept happening since that was the case and over time it became an actual relationship, saying "I love you", sleeping together every night, etc. But then things started to get rocky; he's a big ole' burly Republican alpha male who has jealousy issues and very strong/quick changing feelings. I'm a short, bright color hair, gothy Democrat type who has a big mouth, little man syndrome and a temper. Romantically; we started to clash too much, we pretty much have completely different views on most things (Surprise, Surprise lol) there were some health issues on my side that are hard for a partner to deal with, we for sure both drink too much (you know how those nights can go) and the fact that literally DAY 1 of deciding we were going to do the boyfriend/girlfriend thing; we we're already living together. lol There's a reason people say "Rule 1: Never sleep with your roommate". That was completely my mistake, I knew better. Anyways, we decided to break up cause it wasn't enjoyable for either one of us anymore but that didn't last long since we love each other. What it DID do is start an on again/ off again type relationship. I never really know where I stand with him, he does most of the breaking up, I know he has slept/is sleeping with other woman (he's told me about a few and I've caught him doing some not so faithful things) Honestly, I think that's why he breaks up with me so much. That way he can bang other woman without feeling bad and he doesn't have to worry about me doing the same because A: I don't want him to hurt an innocent person B: The living situation would become far too hostile with his jealousy/anger issues and C: I like to give myself a little time to just process my feelings before jumping back into the dating world. So yeah, that's my life right now. I get broken up with, he screws around with other ladies, says a bunch of terrible things to me cause his mind goes straight to "she must be doing it too" and he lashes out, a few days later he starts to be sweet and lovey-dovey again, I try to hold off, eventually break and then the whole process starts over again. I cant afford to move right now, plus it would be the dumb to. This is literally the best situation housing wise, my rent is way lower than it should be, I have everything I could possibly want, I feel safe and comfortable (besides this issue) and I deserve to, for once, feel that way. But I need to figure out a long term solution because eventually I will want to start getting out there, I'm a human being, I have sexual needs and I want to find my person, I want to be in love, have awesome adventures with my bestfriend and make each other cum a bunch. =P I'm never going to find that if I stay on this marry-go-round though. Open to suggestions, thoughts, similar stories and what the outcome was. Any help would be very much so appreciated. <3
@Pocketpyro64
Hi there! That's quite the situation. 😊 Just going to summarize my understanding of it:
You had a roommate move in who is very much your type physically. You tried to keep things strictly friendly for a while, but around New Year's you both got drunk, did some things together, and discovered that you were really sexually compatible. So that ended up continuing and you started having a relationship.
However, when it comes to everything else other than sexual chemistry (i.e. politics, personality, emotions), you're both pretty incompatible. You've both been clashing a lot and it's become an on/off relationship. There's a particular pattern you've noticed for how things tend to start and stop:
- He'll have sex with a bunch of other women
- He'll project onto you and assume you must be doing something similar (even though you wouldn't dare for a few reasons you've described); he accuses you of a bunch of things, says a bunch of nasty/aggressive things that make you feel pretty awful/angry, and the connection/trust between you and him ends up in shambles
- However, a few days later, he'll be sweet/kind/apologetic again--and you have sexual needs as well as a need for people to be close with (and still have this long-term connection with him), so he ends up pulling you back in
- Then the cycle repeats
Like you said, moving doesn't feel like an option since your current situation is perfect financially and there's nothing wrong with it other than this guy.
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The situation you're describing reminds me of something I remember reading about called the cycle of abuse. I'm not saying that he is or isn't abusive (or that your situation is necessarily super extreme), and possibly that "abusive" label just obscures things a bit. But the general dynamics you're describing feel sort of similar: he does something kind of extreme, you swear it's over, but he starts acting nice/kind/gentle/conciliatory afterwards... so you forgive him and come back to him and keep going. It's that "merry go-round" that you described.
I don't want to put words in your mouth, but it sounds to me like you feel like this situation isn't necessarily healthy or sustainable, but for now it's all you have so you're making do with what you have. I'm imagining that If you had another close friend who you're able to pour all of that energy/affection into, and if you were compatible in other ways, you'd just have smexy adventures with them all the time instead of continuing to climb the burly tree. 😛