Boyfriend cheating
While me and my boyfriend were on a break for 2 weeks he slept with another girl 4 times. He still spoke to me everyday while he did this and told me he loved me. We got back togther but I didn’t know he had done this. I have just found out now and I’m heart broken as we’ve been togther nearly 5 years. He was in a very dark place at the time when he cheated and is very sorry he did. He is trying to prove his love to me and I want to forgive him however I’m finding it difficult to forgive him and to stop thinking about him. I love him very much and want to forgive him.
@cyanPond1251
cheating can happen when someone is in a dark place and on a break or emotional needs are not met and are looking often in the wrong places for something to fill the emptiness.
not sure IF the other relationship will be back together .....hurt and maybe even feeling rejected
i am NOT condoning cheating but I think people should think in the big picture instead of thinking of it is all about you.... many times it is not ...... was this girl trying to snag him while he was on a break...
how do you or did you define rules on seeing anyone while on break?
Is dating ok but physical not? Was this clearly defined as you would get back together or a maybe?
i was cheated on at one point in a relationship ........and i did not see the many factors that can lead a person to decide why not ............ I thought it was reflection on me, my attractiveness his feelings for me....but it was something more and deeper dealing with his emotional state and feelings.
I was not seeing he was having many issues ... feeling like i did not love him ......or even like him anymore .......even though we lived together and he could try to communicate but instead boosted his ego by someone else making him feel wanted.......
I examined our relationship and saw issues................ we repaired and went on .....now many years later the situation is reversed and frankly i see it very clear as i would if the situation arose.......
Thank you for taking the time to reply and give me some advice.
No we didn’t set any boundaries when we went on a break, we broke up but he had said he wanted to come back to eachother and fix it once we both cleared our heads.
we spoke everyday during this period.
after 2-3 weeks he can back to me and told me that he was unhappy without me, that he loved me and needed me. I didn’t know he had slept with someone.
once I found out he said he would do anything to make it up to me and that he is sorry and that he was in a bad place and it was the worst mistake he ever made. I really love him and I know he loves me and I want to be able to move forward. I’m just finding myself to be really upset and I keep thinking about it. I want to forgive him but I don’t know how to forget what happened. Was he in the wrong ?
@cyanPond1251
you Never forget ....... you can move on , I did ..............move on that it was a error and in the past .... we have never even spoke of it in years until this year when he has made me feel rejected and unwanted instead of admitting he has ED .......and i threw it in his face
ask yourself this what if he did not see he wanted and loved you
you both went on with your lives after a certain time.... he was talking to you while figuring things out ... does that mean he could not even look at another....
the right or wrong issue is #1 getting back together he is in the wrong and #2 if you did NOT reconcile he was fine in moving on .....
He has been honest and admitted it was the biggest mistake ever .... that is more then some people who move past this type of thing get.
It's not clear from your post how much time passed between when you were on a break for two weeks and when he finally confessed that he slept with another girl while on said break. It sounds like you're mostly feeling betrayed by the fact that he hid it from you for a longish period of time. Would it have made a difference to you if he had told you sooner or while you were on the break? It sounds like you would have been more understanding of that. The real issue was that while he was sleeping with another girl, he was telling you he loves you at the same time -- which while it may be true, was confusing and misleading for you now that you know what transpired during that time.
I think it's worth asking him why he felt the need to hide it from you and make it clear to him that's what you're most hurt about. He probably just felt embarrassed and was afraid of losing you because of it. That's not an excuse not to be transparent with your partner, of course, but understanding his side on a deeper level might help. It sounds like you have already had a discussion about it, but there's always room to go deeper.
It can take time to heal and forgive after a betrayal -- especially if it just happened. Trust needs to be earned back over time. Some couples can get past it, while others want to but feel weighed down by the baggage of the past.
You have a good heart. You want to forgive him, but don't know how. Other than having multiple heart-to-hearts with him, couples therapy might help you with the healing process. Be realistic about the healing process. If this is something that is a relatively new discovery, you're going to have to emotionally process it more before you're able to release it all and forgive. Healing often doesn't happen overnight. It's something that takes time. It sometimes feels like two steps forward and one step back. Be patient with yourself and don't guilt yourself into not being able to fully release at a faster pace.
Thank you for taking the time to read my post and reply, we had been back togther for a month. Yes I agree with you that was the main reason as to why I was so upset, it was the fact that he kept it for me for so long.
I asked him why he kept it from me and he said that he knew it was the biggest mistake of his life and that he was scared he’d lose me forever. I’ve decided to try and forgive him and things have been going well for us this past week. I would really like to consider couples therapy as maybe it’ll help us in the long run.
@cyanPond1251,
couples therapy is always a good idea when you are in a serious relationship.
Most people start doing couples therapy when there are issues. Whereas couples therapy helps to prevent from issues arising.