Breakup
Hey all,
I posted before if anyone read it idk. My boyfriend of about a year broke up with me. I had mentioned wanting to tell our friends we were dating, which we hadn't the whole time. He told me that he was a private person and also that he doesn't feel that invested in the relationship and doesn't think that will change. I am really devastated and having a hard time accepting it and relating to him. Other than this one issue we disagreed on, I felt like we were overall happy, having fun dates, and feeling close and opening up to each other, so it is hard for me to understand and accept right now. I felt like we had something really positive that would have been positive to keep exploring and it's hard to accept that he could so easily give our connection up. However, he seemed to really have his mind made up and now I am just kind of resting, sleeping a lot and kind of trying to slowly kind of nurse my wounds.
If you're with someone, they should be proud of you and your relationship, not want to keep it a secret. I don't want to speculate on his motives, but it seems like you are way more invested than him. Please don't forget your value and settle for less than you deserve!
@birdsmama8611 thanks. It's so frustrating though to be seen as the one who is more invested like I am being overly emotional or asking for a huge commitment though when I feel like I was expecting the basics and only asking for a baby step and not really pushing for something very serious. I didn't ask to move in with me, to meet my family, anything like that. Like I was so patient about not pushing things to be too serious and feel like after dating someone for a year I was asking for something that feels like the bare minimum of someone that has said they like you.
You are asking for the VERY bare minimum, you just may be asking the wrong person. Do not sell yourself short. You deserve happiness and respect, at the very least.
@Daydreamer47
i think you were asking for a basic............ at a year point seems odd he did not want to make it public.
I see these post or hear about those who one partner says "they are not that invested in relationship" or do not seeing it going somewhere .....
obviously they KNOW the other is invested or becoming invested and they let that continue as long as they are having fun on their own terms ............they then leave hurt and confusion of why on the invested partner ....... This to me seems very cruel leading people on........ then when a next step is asked they back out with "I am not invested....."
@toughTiger6481 Yeah it is hard to fully understand. Maybe he liked me but felt over the year it never led to deeper feelings, seems like a long time to stick around if that's the case, plus we were long-distance over the summer which did take some effort from both of us. I have learned a little about his upbringing; his family is not very open in general and we are in our 30s but he has not had a relationship before. It seems like there's some part of him that may be emotionally very closed off/ unavailable and he seems content to be single and not really interested in a relationship in general, with me or other women too. I feel like there is a lack of self-awareness there and maybe he needs therapy or something, but he doesn't seem motivated to change and unfortunately didn't in the time-frame of our connection.
@Daydreamer47
it is hard to say but like you spoke of he went along including time apart that keeping up long distance is a chore ... and never spoke of if his feelings were changing or growing sounds very selfish .....
i know it sounds odd but letting someone know that.... yes you can be a friend but relationship is not happening sooner then later is the right thing to do...... i know that when a person does not show you what your deserve you can feel like they wasted your time.