Breakup on Good Terms (LONG)

I just mutually split with my boyfriend of about a year. We love each other dearly and so devotedly that it was hurting us, we couldn't walk away even with a lot of problems especially within the last few weeks. Now that we realized that, we spent a full day together before leaving for good.

Took a walk in a park, talked about everything that was said and done that hurt us, how much we still loved each other, the good memories, and cried. It was a coincidence that he missed his bus home from us crying and hugging, kissing for so long, and had to sleep over at my house. We ate dinner and I slept on his lap while he did his homework. And then we fell asleep in my bed, talking some more about how this is the right path to take whether we like it or not. When we woke up, I cried a lot more with him and we reassured each other how special it was, how much we care and that this year wasn't wasted. He described me as a sweet loving girl and I will never forget that.

We didn't want to promise anything like getting back together once we have healed ourselves and from the problems we caused. But while I didn't ask for one, I wished he wouldn't forget how much I appreciate him and deeply care for him. He promised he would keep a small drawing I gave for his birthday on his desk, as a way to remember me and the growth we experienced together. I didn't have anything tangible as a keepsake of him, but when I said that he took off his necklace that he wore for the entire year, and placed it in my palm... It made me cry a lot. 

I wish the circumstances were different. He hurt me so much and I hurt him too. Spending that day together felt like it always did. Natural, refreshing, cozy, comforting. I love him so much and I guess he loves me the same way, because in those moments, it was like nothing was ever wrong. He caressed my face and kissed my forehead and I did the same. We ate together and laughed together, talked about the people we knew and shows we liked. I didn't want to forget his face, the way he sounds, the way he feels and smells. When I told him that we both broke down again. It hurts so much to let someone I value so much go. He is so amazing and I made sure to tell him that anyone who meets him should consider themselves one of the luckiest people in the world. And that he is as handsome on the inside as the outside.

We weren't just dating, we were best friends, life partners willing to work on ourselves to be better together. But the things that were said and done last week just aren't forgivable without massive amounts of time and growth. I wish I could believe we will find each other again, but I hate to give myself and him false hope. We will get better alone. I guess our one promise was that we were going to support each other from afar, no matter what. We still consider ourselves friends that deeply care for each other. We also struck a deal that the first one to move on loses. But I hate losing, so I might be at a secret disadvantage here.

I miss him a lot. I hope one day we can see each other and know that the other person has become the person they want to be. I hope I never forget the loving way we treated each other and strive to have a healthy mindset moving forward, knowing he helped me grow so much. I love you. You were worth it. You'll always be worth it.