Broke up after amazing relationship
Hi all, my partner ended things with me at the end of February after an amazing 2 and a half years together. We had a baby together in December last year and she has 2 children from a previous that I've always seen as my own. We got engaged at the beginning of December last year and everything was perfect! It was the perfect relationship never argued, we never fell out, honestly I've never ever felt so loved and happy as I have in our little family but then in February I noticed she became a bit distant from me, and ultimately told me that she wasn't in love with me anymore. So the next day i moved out back home and started to see the kids 3 days a week as we agreed. Then this lockdown came along and I was told to isolate for 12 weeks! Worst timing ever! I'm still madly in love with her and would give anything to get my little family back together but she has said she just wants to be friends and nothing more. I can't get her out of my head constantly thinking about what their all up to without me, its torture and I cant shake it off. I visited them the other day as I needed to see kids as because of isolation its been limited to video calls and photos etc and the odd visit, and ive been feeling so down ever since, seeing them enjoying themselves and almost seeming better off without me there. It hurts I don't get how January I had everything I ever dreamed of and am now a weekend dad living at my parents again. How can i stop thinking about thinking about things?
Well done for sharing this @Marks88.
Your honest approach shows you are prepared to be transparent.
What a time to go through, that is really hard on you. And I can hear your disappointment and brokenness.
How is 7 cups helping you cope?
What tools are you using to stay calm and feel valued?
I have found the self-help area and mindfulness exercises really good.
Well done for sharing this.
@arnoldziffler1
Thanks, it's the first time I've done a public post on here as I'm genuinely stuck in a rutt. I know I need to give my head a wobble and man up and deal with it. It's just always easier said than done. I never wanted this to happen and never wanted to have a broken family. Just don't understand how someone's feelings change so fast, like in the space of a month went from perfect to over. I've been doing what I can to try and improve myself, losing weight, learning new stuff etc. to distract myself but I miss my little family so much and would give anything to have them back as it was again but can't see that happening. I've not seen the self help bit? Not really too knowledgeable on this app to be honest. Sorry I know I sound like a complete loser just hoping venting will help me figure my head out.
Be kind to yourself and drop the harsh criticisms of yourself. You need to be able to put some space between your thoughts and feelings . I believe it's going to take some time to recover from this. Some days are harder than others.
Find some things to be grateful for. Even if it's just that you are alive and can feel.
I did the Acceptance and Commitment Therapy found under self-help guides in the My path tab.
Just click on My path and go to self-help, and you will see it listed.
The mindfulness exercise are great too.
Hang in there @Marks88 and breathe.
I believe in you. You can work through this.
You have made the first step by reaching out.
Well done.
You have done a great job in sharing his.
Well done.
I like what wonderousScenery posted, be kind to yourself.@Marks88
Though I can't completely relate to your story, I can understand what you're going through. I too, kind of, have been in a relationship, which just, you can say, brought the best out of me. After the things ended, it broke me so much. Everyday I remembered how we used to talk, how I was so happy. The movie we watched together, the phrases we told each other, everything flashed in my mind, making me more and more devastated. Few days, I'd just sit on my bed in the middle of the night and cried, that I can't feel those things again. I felt so miserable, and thought I could never be that happy again.
But, that's how it goes for every breakup, and honestly, that shows how purely we felt for that person. Time passes, the pain decreases, bit by bit, and eventually we learn to live without them. I don't know if I'm right, but, break up kind of made me stronger, and understand myself more, leading to loving myself more. It sounds lame, but I think it's beautiful being feeling so much love towards someone that even after breakup, it's the good memories I want to remember.
Things we felt for that person may still remain within us, as in my case, but that doesn't mean you aren't going to find that happiness again. Trust me, there sure is someone else who'd understand you so much better. Things might not be that same with new person, but that bond will be beautiful in it's own way. You just need to keep the mind peaceful and understand yourself more till that happens. Just remember the person you broke up with as a beautiful memory who made you feel so happy at that time and be thankful for that, and that maybe you aren't meant to be together forever and someone else, who might love you more than yourself is waiting out there.:)
I am not so good in explaining these things:P But since, I once felt the same way as you, I thought it might help if I shared my feelings.
Nice work sharing this!!
@EnchantingNerd
@EnchantingNerd @wonderousScenery8940 @arnoldziffler1
Thank you for your comments, they are hugely appreciated. I will check out the self help my path section and see how I get on. I just wish there was a switch I could flip to stop me thinking about it all 24/7. Even right now it's the only thought in my mind still, don't know how I'll cope when she eventually moves on. I've been through break ups before, even a divorce, and never felt like this! It's definitely the hardest thing I've ever dealt with so far, I know life goes on and I'll experience more highs and more lows throughout life. Just never imagined being in this situation, was literally living the dream having the perfect partner, amazing kids, our own little bubble. But now I guess it's about me and the kids and providing the best life I can for my little man and his sisters. Guess I'll always hope that she changes her mind about us but that is completely out of my control. Thank you for replying to my post, it helps to get people's views and hear peoples experiences.
Gosh I feel for you@Marks88
It is such a hard thing to deal with.
I hear you and am listening to your pain.
It;s real, not imagined.
It's real and you are not being soft in the hed.
I'm a bloke but I wish I could give you a hug and say I'm there for you Marks88.
@arnoldziffler1
Thanks, I do appreciate it.
Just another one of life's hurdles I'm gonna have to handle and deal with best I can.
Nice to know there's somewhere for me to vent and people listen too. It does help. Thanks again
How many of these hurdles could we do without huh.@Marks88
Is it really necessary to be thrown a curveball again?
Can really get ya down and depressed this life thing.
Who knows what's around the corner.
I'm proud of you for showing up and being real enough to see it and acknowledge it for what it is.
That's the first step I think.
Accepting your reality and the pain that goes with it.
@wonderousScenery8940
Just gotta take life day by day, I will struggle with my feelings I'm aware of this, I will hurt for a long while, and my feelings for her may not change but that's on me to handle I guess. Just gotta find myself a way to keep my mind occupied.
Main thing is as long as my boy is ok that'll do for me.
this is me cheering you on!!!!
@Marks88
I think this might be helpful.
https://healthuploads.com/how-to-control-anger-in-a-relationship/
@connect2STR
Don't think it's particularly suited to my situation, neither experienced anger and never actually argued throughout the whole relationship. But thanks anyway