Can't Accept it's Over
My boyfriend of 5 years broke up with me on our anniversary out of the blue. He has undiagnosed mental health problems that he refuses to accept, so he pushes anyone away who tries to help (like me) because he's hiding from his problems. We've broken up before for the same reason but once that particular bought of stress and anxiety subsided, he apologised and we got back together. Things were great, I just struggled to get over the fact he'd jumped into bed with another girl just a couple of weeks after we broke up, and I had previously accused him of cheating on me with this girl, so obviously him sleeping with her so quickly fuelled this thought.
Because we got back together last time, I have this expectation that we will again so I'm refusing to get over him, despite the fact getting back together would be unhealthy and I'd only end up back here again in a year. I'm just really struggling to get over him and accept that we won't get back together and that I may never see him again. I was fine for a couple of days after it first happened, like I seemed to just accept it, but for some reason last night I started torturing myself telling myself that he's already moved on and he doesn't care about me, which isn't true, like one thing he did say a lot when we broke up is that he still loves me. I just miss him like mad and there's now this huge hole in my life. I can't imagine being happy again. How can I tell myself it's over and actually believe it?
@amyv22
As someone who was in your position once, I know how difficult it is to move on from a toxic relationship. Does thinking about moving on bring you peace? It doesn't sound like it but you also recognize that you'll be in this position a year from now, if you get back together. So what's the best option? Perhaps instead of focusing on the breakup and moving on, focus on the thoughts that help you actually do. What feelings and thoughts can you accept in your heart, that bring you reassurance in your decision? Maybe the fact that he is not seeking help for his depression is one, or that he will leave and come back again and again. Once you focus on logical reasons for the breakup, your heart may begin to heal. The only person who can save him is himself and hopefully this experience will prompt him to seek help from a professional.
There is no pain free way to get through a breakup but I can promise you, it does get better in time. Take care and good luck! 
xx
Hi there!
You had replied to a post I made last week about my relationship. After reading this, it definitely seems like we're in the same boat. My guy may not have any known mental issues, but he does have some commitment and emotional issues, I feel.
Our relationship now is an LDR and of course I fear he could replace me or jump into a rebound relationship--similar to your fears.
It's been two weeks and I haven't heard from him, but after a lot of thinking and reflection, I think you have to realize what you can't control and stop letting it consume you. You can't control his actions or his feelings. If he comes back and there's a chance for you to have a better, healthier future together--great, but at the moment, it doesn't look like that (though things may change and it'll be up to you to decide how to proceed). At the moment, you're in a very challenging spot. You have to take care of yourself in every way possible. You can start by keeping busy, focusing on areas of self improvement or simply getting involved with activities to get your mind out of that negative funk (doing good in your community, exploring new things, starting new hobbies, etc.). There's always room for improvement and always room to explore new things! If you still feel sad here and there, that's ok. It's ok to grieve--just don't let the circumstances change you for the worse or tarnish who you are as a person.
I have learned that you have to realize your self worth. I still don't have proper closure, and sometimes I feel rejected and like I wasn't good enough for him. Other times though, I recognize my accomplishments and good qualities separate from this relationship. I work on building those, and it always makes me feel better. If he doesn't come back, it's his loss. I am/you are awesome! :)
