Can't forgive
Hello all. So just found out my boyfriend of 3 years has been messaging girls online. It was very explicit and there were pics exchanged. He broke down and said sorry and all but I can not forgive...and am seriously struggling...
@ShyBoldgirl88 hey girl. welcome to our community,
i can imagine it must be difficult to deal with that. finding out your boyfriend of 3 years has been talking to other girls in such a way must be really hurting, and i am sorry you have to go through that. This is a very tough situation where you need to decide what you want to do. Do you believe him? Do you think he will not do it again? Why did he even do it in the first way and how can we try to prevent that? or, Does he deserve my forgiveness? Do i feel happy in this relationship after this incident? When is it important for me to set boundaries on how i should be treated or not?
i hope that these questions can help you clear your mind a bit. let us know how we can support you best in this situation.
love, avery
@AveryLove
I never thought he would do it in the 1st place because his past relationships he has been cheated on...so he knows the pain. I have 0 tolerance with cheating. As long as I have been alive I have never cheated on someone I'm with...I couldn't. He cried about it and told me it wouldn't happen again. But I've always thought if it happened once it'll be easier for them to do it in the future.
@ShyBoldgirl88 i totally understand that and i find it great that you are setting boundaries like this in a relationship. Now, it is your choice. Do you feel like forgiving him, risking him cheating another time but also having the opportunity to make it work once again? Or set strict boundaries you have had for a long time with cheating and choose yourself and your own happiness and not tolerate him cheating on you? You will have to think about this, even though i know it must be a super tough decision. And both decisions are okay and we respect either choice. What would you advice a friend who is struggeling with the same situation? What would you tell them to do and why?
@AveryLove
I've always told my friends that sexting is cheating...and it is the gateway to actual physical contact. I guess I'm blinded by me feelings for him. I hate having to worry about if he is going to do this again 😞 he seemed genuine when he said sorry. But I don't know if its guilt or actual remorse...
@ShyBoldgirl88 leave him or throw him out - my ex started doing this - then cheated on the day I gave birth and has continued to do it - his final straw I just caught him out and he
I'm so sorry about this, no one should ever have to feel like this. Sexting and exchange of explicit pics is itself a form of cheating, it's not something that can be simply minimized. Every couple deals with betrayal in their own way, depending on many factors, there's no universal rule on how to handle this. In the end, what truly matters is trust. Whatever is intentions were at that time or are at this moment, trust is the key to happy relationships. If you feel like you can trust him now and you believe he's trully sorry and won't do it again, you can give him another chance. But if you feel like you can't trust him anymore, staying with him will bring in a constant state of suspect and fear, and dealing with this level of frustration can ruin a relationship and a person's wellbeing. Even if his intentions are good now, not trusting him can ultimately make you unhappy anyway.
So trust is the central issue here. Feel free to take all the time you need to ponder this!
@ShyBoldgirl88 my honest advice is this, get out while you can. Ive been in the same spot as you & its been 7 years because I believed him every time he cried. If you cant forgive him, your relationship is only going to go downhill. Youll question everything. Every call, every text, every social media account, every email. Is that really the way you want your relationship to be? be selfish, think about you and how it all affects you. Eventually forgive him, not for him but for you. Never forget tho & always guard your heart
if they do it once, theyll do it again. Because they didnt love you enough stay faithful the first time.