Clock is ticking and can’t seem to do anything
I’ve been with my wife for 10 years now and married for three. We’ve had our share of break ups during the seven years we were dating but managed to fix things and get back together. She has a 13-year-old daughter who I have known since she just turned three.
last May she moved out and wanted to separate and work things out. Three months later she says that she’s not coming back and wants a divorce. I’ve only spoken to her a few times last year after she said she wanted a divorce which was in October. Now we are in April and Nothing I do seems to make a difference.
The law here says that you have to be legally separated for one year before you can file for divorce which makes June 1 official when she can start. In the last few months she has texted me a few times just for minor things like passwords or doctors names or to discuss our daughter. The last month was the first time I actually asked her out to enjoy an evening. It seemed like it was good because we laughed shared dinner and played some pool. The next day she even asked me too babysit our dog while she went to work. A week later I asked her to go watch a movie and she instead, invited me out for dinner with her and our daughter and then we watch the movie afterwards.
now that it’s April it feels like my time is running out. I reached out a few more times to see if she is available and would like to meet up again and she has declined. It has always been me to reach out and if I don’t hear nothing from her. I am at a loss right now on what to do. Her sister says that when the time comes she will procrastinate and not go through with the divorce for quite some time but to also let it go. Her brother-in-law says that everything that she’s doing right now is not right and that it is her way of avoiding everything because she is just on a self-destructive path of travelling everywhere, drinking, hanging out with kids that are 25 (she’s turning 40 this year and I just turned 48). The only advice he gave me is that she will not make a move And will continue to avoid this but if I want anything to happen I need to make the move and continue trying if this is what I really want. I am at my end but still want this marriage.
I think you should keep trying. Especially if you want the marriage to continue. It does sound like she is having a midlife crisis and trying to ignore responsibilities. Eventually she will have to see that it's better to be in a stable, loving relationship rather than being free yet aimless.. and alone. I imagine if you gave up now, then you would feel a lot of regret afterwards thinking about what more you could've done. So keep trying. I'm rooting for you.
Best wishes, Cain
Unfortunately time is still ticking. I was with my family last night along with my ex and there was no communication whatsoever. I got the hello hug and goodbye and that was it. The whole time she sat with her aunt and they were chatting at the end of the table and pretty much forgetting about everybody else and this was a birthday party.
I realize now and I kind of realized a while ago that her aunt is very toxic and is where the resemblance comes in. Her aunt has multiple divorces, only wants to date men who are rich or can have money, her relationship with her daughter is poor and everyone can see the impact it has on her daughter right now and her aunt just wants to not have any responsibility and go from place to place.
everything that I just described is what is happening to my ex now. Avoiding everything, having fun, family is no longer important just as religion is no longer important, we see how her daughter has change so much since the separation and we know that it has a very big impact. Keep in mind that this is the same aunt that got angry and decided not to come to our wedding, even though my ex regards her as more of a mom and her own mom and wanted her aunt to walk her down the aisle. I supported her through this whole crisis/issue in her life and when they got back together after a year or so it’s almost like it never happened. I know how important it was to have her aunt walk her down the aisle and how devastated she was when they had that fight for a year or so but now… It’s like everybody else (me and her family) Come second when it comes to the influence that her aunt has over her… And I don’t hold it against her for putting me down after her family but I’m disappointed because she has always told me how important family is and what her family means to her.
Yes, it's the middle age crisis, if you really love her,njust hang on and be there for her, don't give up. I know it's hard for you and it's painful. You need a lot of patience, energy and GOD's help
There is nothing you can do to change the situation. How hard it might be, grab the opportunity to focus on you. Do not reach out anymore. You only hurt yourself, clinging on to hope. Change yourself. Let her be whoever she wants to be. If it is written in the stars, she might reach out to reconnect. And you might has found out you deserve genuine and pure unconditional love. But first, start being self-compassionate. I can recommend a book named self-compassion, written by Kristin Neff.
Take care.
