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zander
1 9,712 M Pacing Forward 2
PathStep 1 Compassion hearts60 Forum posts21 Forum upvotes7 Current upvotes7 Age GroupAdult Last activeMarch, 2023 Member sinceAugust 7, 2014
Recent forum posts
I dont know what to do anymore!?
Relationship Stress / by zander
Last post
 February 4th, 2023
...See more Long story short: wife and I separated in 2021 after being married since 2019. we been together since 2012 and she has a daughter who is 14 now. we separated b/c of diff parenting styles and passion/sex/anxiety in the bedroom. Here, we need to be legally separated for 1 year before filing for divorce. during separation, we had little contact unless it was her daughter and during that that time, I spend a lot of time with her, trying to be the father I wasn't or didnt know how to be before. we made great progress and everyone from her, her mom and the family now knows how much we mean to each other. 2 weeks ago, wife came to me and said she want to go with the divorce and how I want to proceed: mutual - we both sign and done or she does the proper channels, send me the papers, I sign and let the judge decide. I told her to send me the info so I can process and let her know. at the same time I told he everything I didnt before b/c if I didnt, I would regret it and my therapist said the same. I told her I dont want the divorce and it goes against everything I believe in. I want to save the marriage, I still love her, the woman she was before and the woman she is now since the separation, and even tho I dont know this woman anymore, I want to learn and grow old with her. I want to try... said I was passive before but want to be active, meaning asking her out, doing things, being more in her life. she got emotional and upset that I didnt do this before, which I did but she kept saying she wants the divorce. she said it took her more than 1 year cuz she didn't have the money and she wasn't sure. Well, 2 weeks has gone by and she hasn't sent me anything about the divorce info. last time we talked about it, she said she was last peace now which is why she wants to go forward. I dont understand why she hasn't sent me the info yet. does it sound like there is still hope? our anniversary is in 1 month from now. I dont know anymore where I stand. some listeners say why keep try when she is already done. others say she's not ready or still not 100%. we talk about her daughter, family and little things but I dont know how to truly reach out again with saying I want to save our marriage and want to try without feeling scared about pushing her away. I am so confused!! Can someone please help me bc I cant figure anything out anymore on what to do next. TBH: I just want to take her away, propose her again on our anniversary to start the whole story again.
I'm feeling lost
Relationship Stress / by zander
Last post
 January 23rd, 2023
...See more I am very lost and dont know what to do anymore or how to proceed so I'm reaching out to anyone for some advice. My wife and I have been separated for since May 2021 and she just told me she wants to move forward with the divorce (here, need 1yr sep before filing). During that time, we hardly spoke unless it was about her daughter or bills; we bump into each other at family gatherings and I did ask out for dinner a couple of times. She kept insisting that she wants the divorce when she reaches out to me initially up until mid 2022. last week, she invited me over to catchup and when she said she is going forward, I put everything on the table about my feelings and that I dont want the divorce. Told her a lot and then said I will go home and process how we proceed. later that night, I dropped by and told her I want to save our marriage, that I still love her, never stopped loving her and want to try. she told me its not fair that I drop by now and unload all this emotion and feeling when I could've done it during the sep and not fair I unload now that she says she is at peace with moving on. she was very emotional and upset with what I said and how I want our marriage. I am lost because during the sep, she kept telling me she wants this. now, she tells me why didnt I say it then... but I did many times, and even wrote her a letter telling her it all and I always got the reply: she wants the divorce. So I left that night, and she said she will send me the info about the proceedings and what I want to do... but I haven't received anything yet. I dont want to passive anymore and be active. I just dont know how to after so much time has past but I want to save our marriage and know that she hasn't sent me anything yet to look over. only thing thats happened is that I called her up on Monday and we discussed her daughter and her sisters bday, which I planned a party for her with the family. I did ask her to dinner yesterday for her and daughter but she said she already had plans that night, without me saying when... I had thought tonight or Friday... and I told her... "lol, I haven't even told you when yet and definitely wasn't thinking tonight". I dont know what she's thinking anymore or how to restart dating again to rebuild lost time and connection.
Should I even try?
Relationship Stress / by zander
Last post
 August 28th, 2022
...See more My gf/Wife have been together for 7/3 years respectively and separated last June to work on the marriage and then announced she wants a divorce in Aug. I accepted it, hoping to still have a chance later and cut off communication with her but only limited due to our/her daughter. Long story short, she has reached a few times with text for little things: can we go chat about our daughter, can I get the spare bed if I am not using it because her back is hurting, Happy Fathers Day, can I submit some medical bills if our health insurance hasn't changed... little texts that I don't think means too much and I haven't texted her at all but to reply. I know that it takes 1 year of being separated before divorce can be filed and that 1 year mark was June and I haven't heard anything. Her family doesn't where she is at in all this and whats going thru her head. The only silver lining I heard from her sister is that my wife misses and wishes we could talk like before. I heard that and in my head, thought it would be a chance to start a date and build again but might be only wishful thinking in my part. I am conflicted in what I want and scared at the same time.
So confused right now??!
Relationship Stress / by zander
Last post
 August 3rd, 2022
...See more I been with the same woman for 10 years now, married since 2019 and we separated in June 2021 with her asking for a divorce in Aug. Well, its been over a year now with me not reaching out and no contact. Here in Canada, you need to be separated for 1 year before filing for divorce. I thought I would be receiving the papers by now but nothing. Its been almost 0 contact since last Aug except if it was a family get together. She reached out a few times to meet to discuss our daughter (my stepdaughter) and that was that. Last few months, she texted me to meet to talk about her again but never followed thru with it. So confused as to whats going on and what is happening. I don't want the divorce and believe we can make this work. My counsellor knows about all this and even he is confused. I want to reach out but at the same time, scared to and scared all together. So frustrating.
Clock is ticking and can’t seem to do anything
Relationship Stress / by zander
Last post
 April 13th, 2022
...See more I’ve been with my wife for 10 years now and married for three. We’ve had our share of break ups during the seven years we were dating but managed to fix things and get back together. She has a 13-year-old daughter who I have known since she just turned three. last May she moved out and wanted to separate and work things out. Three months later she says that she’s not coming back and wants a divorce. I’ve only spoken to her a few times last year after she said she wanted a divorce which was in October. Now we are in April and Nothing I do seems to make a difference. The law here says that you have to be legally separated for one year before you can file for divorce which makes June 1 official when she can start. In the last few months she has texted me a few times just for minor things like passwords or doctors names or to discuss our daughter. The last month was the first time I actually asked her out to enjoy an evening. It seemed like it was good because we laughed shared dinner and played some pool. The next day she even asked me too babysit our dog while she went to work. A week later I asked her to go watch a movie and she instead, invited me out for dinner with her and our daughter and then we watch the movie afterwards. now that it’s April it feels like my time is running out. I reached out a few more times to see if she is available and would like to meet up again and she has declined. It has always been me to reach out and if I don’t hear nothing from her. I am at a loss right now on what to do. Her sister says that when the time comes she will procrastinate and not go through with the divorce for quite some time but to also let it go. Her brother-in-law says that everything that she’s doing right now is not right and that it is her way of avoiding everything because she is just on a self-destructive path of travelling everywhere, drinking, hanging out with kids that are 25 (she’s turning 40 this year and I just turned 48). The only advice he gave me is that she will not make a move And will continue to avoid this but if I want anything to happen I need to make the move and continue trying if this is what I really want. I am at my end but still want this marriage.
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