Do I stay or leave?:(
My fiancé & I have been together for almost 2 yrs now. We got pregnant after being together for 10mnths, & everything was ok @ first. My fiancé seemed happy but he really wasnt. @ our 6wk appointment we heard our babys heart beat & that same night he told me he wanted an abortion. He told me he couldnt be a dad & he wasnt excited about our baby. He then made it seem like he was losing feelings for me because I wouldnt get an abortion.. But he was really talking to his ex & catching feelings for her.. He ended up leaving me & messed around with her. It was miserable. I was pregnant with his baby & he left me like I was nothing. He slept with his ex & 2 other girls. He bought plan Bs & his ex even had a pregnancy scare. He would constantly tell me he loved & missed me all while he was messing with other girls. He ended up giving me an Std & continued to play with my emotions for 3 months. He told girls that he loved them and he told his ex that shes his dream girl and hed do anything to be with her..
Of course I took him back. Now we have an apartment together & our baby is 2 months. Weve been doing ok for the past 4 months but im so unhappy. I cant let go of the past. Ive caught him being shady here & there & its jus messed up my head so bad. Hes a great dad & I dont want to leave him but im so unhappy. At this point im just going through the motions to make sure hes happy. I love him sm but I dont feel in love w him & I dont want to hurt him. What would you do?:(
@kytheplug I would be confused and overwhelmed as well. But I heard a quote once that said that the most toxic thing a person can do is ignore the horrible things in a person just because they love them. I know it will be extremely hard, and you may have a stage of depression, or "did I do the right thing," but really think you should let him go. I would never forgive someone if they cheated on me or another person, and definitely not after giving someone a disease. Plus, I think the right person will come along. And after all this, I don't think he is. He may be a good father, but after that I wouldn't want to give them the chance of becoming a bad one, you know? If you're unhappy, do what you can to make you happy. Don't wait around for him to "grow up" or "be ready." Because he may never be. Once you find happiness, he can see what he lost. Or he may not, which wouldn't be a problem anyway. You are a queen, and you deserve to be treated like one.
@Ariella23
Girl thank you sm.. Its so hard to hear but its so true.. i really feel like i shouldnt have gotten right back together w him. I think I really sold myself short by not giving myself time to process everything and come to terms w it. I never really healed or dealt w the heart break, i jus used him as a distraction and now all the pain and anger has caught up w me.
@kytheplug
You could also separate and see if he can change--give him a chance to show he wants to change but also protect yourself. Of course there's a very real chance you won't get back together doing this, but if you stick to your guns he'll know he has to treat you right if he wants to keep you. My guess is he's confused and stressed about about the baby and losing the freedom of being single...not to excuse any of what he did, but at least maybe that way you can understand it.
I'm currently exploring separating from my husband of 6 years due to his lack of emotional support and undermining me. It's hard because I feel he really is a good person and I do love him, but I know that more of the same will make us both miserable. I think as long as you can be honest with yourself and your partner, at least you can look back and say you tried your best.
@kytheplug
I'm sorry for what you've been through.
I'm glad to know that you decided to have your baby, that was a decision you made. Good for you!
Did you talk to your partner about what happened when you two broke up? How did you let him come back?
Does he shows you currently support as a couple?
If you feel unhappy... i think you two should talk and try to solve what happened in the past.
@Bonnie1042
The last time we got back together I told him he needed to grow up and change his ways otherwise we would never work. I told him he needed to learn how to communicate about our issues instead of ignoring them. He really tried and improved for sometime. Hes got a great job and he supports my daughter and I! Hes a good dad and he helps me when I need it. The reason im questioning everything again is because of the fact that hes still shady sometimes. Hell still message girls sometimes, usually the conversations are innocent but when we first got back together I told him to just TELL me if hes going to message a girl. Every time I find him talking to someone it looks shady regardless of the conversation, so I tell him EVERY SINGLE TIME, to just TELL me who hes gonna message and why and he never does. I always have to catch him talking to someone and then it messes with my head again. Its almost like he doesnt care if I heal or not but I know he does because he doesnt wanna lose me. It just doesnt make any sense to me.
@kytheplug
I am going through a similar situation, my partner is very uncommunicative and when I ask her to express her feelings or her point of view, she gets angry with me. We have had many discussions about it, unfortunately, she is currently going through a delicate situation with her mother, so our problems have taken a back seat.
In your case, you have gone through an infidelity, which obviously destroyed the confidence you had in him.
He, for what you tell me, has put on his part to be a good father and be a good couple. I know that those mysterious attitudes disconcert you and you want to find out what can happen, but I advise you to be careful with those feelings, maybe it is not healthy and your relationship becomes possessive. Talk to him, tell him that you feel insecure when he acts mysterious, that you feel there is no trust.
Also, on the other hand, he has the right to socialize and have friendships. There is a very delicate line between a simple friendship or an affair.
Why don't you ask him to go out on a date? :) spend time together and talk about other things?
