Do a cheaters partners feelings matter?
I recently discovered my partner of almost a decade has been having an emotional affair with his (recently divorced) ex girlfriend who lives on the other side of the country . I demanded that he cut off contact if he wanted to make this work. He was reluctant at first, admitting that he is depressed and messed up and that it would make him feel worse cutting her off that way. He felt like he owed it to her and himself and to me to be a better version of himself by being more amicable or kind about their split. I pushed that it hurt me for him to not cut her off and that being a better version of himself meat putting me first and that if I mattered that he would cut off their six month relationship without question. He eventually relented and cut ties with her abruptly. I now fear that I’ve subconsciously made his depression and self worth worse. Should I offer him a “dear John” moment or cross my fingers that my ultimatum was the right move?
@blueHickory1407
I'm so sorry that your partner has been cheating on you! I can only imagine the pain that must have caused you.
It seems like you are giving him a second chance and that is entirely up to you of course. Your partner is only human and his feelings matter but so do yours. However, you are not responsible for how he is feeling, nor can you do much to make him feel better about himself and to overcome his depression. He is his own person so he needs to do what he feels is right for him to help him.
You have set a boundary and he has so far agreed to abide by that. He has caused you great suffering by cheating on you, so I feel that being held back from his ex girlfriend is something that is more tolerable than finding out you've been cheated on!
I would stand by your ultimatum which is essentially, stop cheating on me and respect me or the relationship is over. I think that's perfectly reasonable and it's up to him how he chooses to respond.
Hope this helps!