Do i try again or let go?

@lovingCircle5143

Hey there, hopefully you are doing well. There's a few things I would like to point out;

In 9th grade melanie tried to commit suicide... Thankfully she survived... When i got this news i broke up with my girlfriend and went straight to her... Things were going good and a couple weeks later we started dating which was a huge mistake because i still had feelings for my ex... Then i made the biggest mistake of my life... So i found out my bestfriend at the time was texting my ex so i got jealous (This is where your anxiety became hard to control and its caused a fear of losing her) and i starting texting my ex again... (On order to soothe the anxiety you decided to contact your ex, it was also a way to gain certainty) Emily found out and got mad and left me... (The way she is behaving doesn't really make much sense, its too dramatic how she behave. I could understand she would felt somewhat mad and disappointed, but it shouldn;t be where she left you since you two were just dating) She didn't talk to me for a year... (This can be considered a red flag because of the way she behaves, its almost as if she would get mad and then decides to back away and cut the other person off) This was really hard on me because i had no one else to blame but myself... (I wouldn't put all the blame on you, I'm sensing she played a role on what happened. I'm thinking some of her insecurities were triggered which made her project them on you) So eventually i got fed up with the silence and i went to her house and apologized. (You did this to soothe your anxiety and out of loneliness. I wouldn't have apologize or reach out after the way she left your life) She forgave me and we became friends again.

After that Emily became more distant and eventually left me. (This is an indication of a few things. Based on what I read, I can tell you projected unmet needs on her and anxious behavior. I'm also thinking she is not the kind of woman that can give you what you need. This sounded like you showed anxious behavior which pushed her away to the other guy, and then she started getting closer to him. There's a chance she talked with him behind your back and didn't really tell you any of this which shows some intengrity issues on her part) This left me shattered i couldn't sleep i couldn't focus for months (Its hurtful going through this, no one deserves to go through this) but i can't say it was for nothing because i found my passion which is music im currently studying music at university so yeah but back to the story emily left me for ryan and she dated him for about 8 months then he broke up with her because he is a total fuckboy but then emily came back to me (She saw the value in you, and decided to reach out. At this point she was probably at a vulnerable mindset so she would be often confused) and i took her back (I wouldn't have taken her back until you made her work extremely hard to get you because she left you in the past. You basically felt this overwhelming eagerness and anxiety of hearing from her/wanting her which made you accept her back so easily. You communicated this to her "I'm willing to give you my love so easily anytime you want", so it will make her value you less. You should make her work extremely hard to earn your love and presence in your life) not even a couple weeks later she left me (This is bound to happen because she felt your love came easy and you probably came on too strong at times which pushed her to the other guy) for ryan again and they dated for another while so they broke up again (This tells me they have a toxic relationship, and she is drawn to those type of relationships because thats what love and relationships feels like) and she came back to me and i was stupid enough to take her back (Im sensing another red flag here...She comes across to me as self-absorbed and selfish. She left you for Ryan on two occasions and didn't show any consideration for how you feel. The guy dumps her so she decides to return you without thinking what she did, and you easily take her back which tells her "I will always take you back so easily anytime) so this time we dated for a while and we both got a job at our local deli market and things were going great until... (You two spent way too much time together and she was not over her ex) You guessed it she left me for ryan again... (Ryan has a strong hold on her emotionally, so she is with you when the other guy is away, but then is with him when you push her away. She is clearly going back and forth with the both of you because she can't handle being alone)This time it really messed me up because i couldn't believe how stupid i was and to make it worst we still worked together and he would come pick her up from work about 30 minutes before we closed so i had to be around them while they were being lovey dovey. (She is showing zero consideration and empathy for you. This is not the kind of woman you want as a girlfriend because she only cares about how she feels and what she needs)

She texted me that she needed help then she called me crying... (She is selfish and self-absorbed. You two have not talked in a year and all of the sudden she calls you needing help? this tells me she contacts you when things are not going fine, when she feels lonely or when someone break her heart. She has not behave like an adult at all) So i snuck out at 12 to go see her (I wouldn't have done this unless she came over your house and earn your time. The way you did this tells me you felt eagerness, and that you had to go out of your way to help after what she did, so this is going to make her take you for granted because she is not earning anything) and her boyfriend cheated on her so i couldn't help but feel for her we stayed up that night walking around town and talking. (Its a bad idea to be there for her when her boyfriend cheated, this will put you as the friend guy that she contacts whenever she feels sad or lonely. She calls or texts you with something and you jump on it without thinking how much she has hurt you) There's something about her that i can't resist and i fell madly in love with her again (This is a red flag. The way you fell "madly in love" with her tells me you projected unmet needs on her and an image on her. This will make you please her too much, come on strong, become eager and often too available for her which will make her take you for granted) so you guessed it we dated again and it was great we had made plans to go to prom together and this was the of beginning senior year and it was truly magical but we were never officially together because we didn't want to hurt each others feelings again.

She started dating a guy i started dating a girl and now she broke up with him and she called me saying her mother is sick (You are noticing a pattern here. Once she is with someone is where she leaves you alone and has zero consideration for you, but once someone dumps her or if she does the dumping is where she finds herself alone which makes her contact you. I think she is extremely selfish and contacts you when she needs you, but when she doesn't is where she leaves your life. She is contacting you with an excuse to see you, but this is the kind of woman that will only hurt you) but im still with my girlfriend

I've dated a couple other girl besides her and i never get that magical feeling i get with her eventually i just get really sick of the girl im with and i feel horribly cuz they never actually did anything wrong it's just that they're not emily you know? (In other words you are staying with this new girl to feel loved and validated)

What do i do? Do i go back to her? (No, never date this girl again because she is extemely selfish) Do i stay with my girlfriend that i have now and try to make it work? (Neither, you should be with a woman that makes you feel very attracted to her and that you want to be with her)