Ex fiance is on a date already - how do I deal with this?
I was engaged to my partner of five years.
We broke-up as he wasn't able to show affection or acknowledge me, it wasn't intentional but due to the fact he's autistic and as he'd been abused in his past, it's always been bad and I've managed to deal with how he treat me as I understood (although I was having to see a therapist due to depression caused by this issue) but about a month ago he came to visit me for a few weeks and his treatment of me got so bad I felt like I was being completely ignored and we were fighting as a result. His visit was pure hell and we broke-up once he went home - he was the one who initially messaged me about breaking up, but as I was planning on breaking up with him so it was a mutual decision.
Today, not even a month since we ended our engagement, he posted a photo of him on a date with a new woman on Facebook (we're still friends on Facebook, I don't believe in blocking ex's but also he still has my things so I need to stay in contact to get them back) - I had an idea based on previous updates he posted today that this may have been coming, but it still hit hard. It feels a little insensitive posting a photo of this woman on this date knowing that I'd see it, and as we've mutual friends who'd see it too so it makes me look like a total looser.
Obviously the relationship was serious and as I was planning on immigrating to be with him I put a lot into the relationship, I uprooted my entire life for us so there's nothing left for me here in my home country any more, I put everything into a relationship I thought was for life - marriage, new home, new life, step-kids. Right now I've no job and no friends here, I can't even see a way to meet new guys even if I was ready to date (I'm not ready, I'm just not interested right now as I still hurt and I'm still mourning the potential life I've lost too).
The fact he has decided to start dating again so soon upsets me as it feels he cared less about our relationship.
What also gets me is that he has said himself that he was not being fair to me in how he was treating me, he said that he doesn't think he should be in a relationship with anyone due to these problems that he has, he also said that he still loves me...but yet here he is after just a month of calling off our wedding and he's already on a date with someone else. I'm hurt and I don't know how to deal with this situation.
@Kasha2000 I know this might be hard for you, but try to see things from his perspective. Perhaps he's just lonely and it's just a date. Maybe it's not meant to lead anywhere and he just wanted some companionship for the night. I'm sure that doesn't make you feel a whole lot better, but it's unlikely that he meant to hurt you. Maybe he just wasn't thinking about how the picture would affect you.
I know that it can hurt when someone moves on more quickly than you can. My most recent ex started looking for a new girl on a dating site within a day of breaking up with me. We were attempting to still be friends, so I often heard about his attempts at finding someone new. We weren't together for as long, so my pain was probably only a fraction of what you're feeling, but I know it's difficult.
Try to remember that this is also what you wanted. You wanted to break up with him too, so try to focus on what you can do to move on. Breakups are hard, even when you know it's what needed to be done. Take care of yourself. You are strong and you can get through it. <3
This isn't what I wanted, I had a whole life planned out with this man and that's what I wanted - I broke up with him as he gave me no choice, I had to care for and respect myself enough to demand better...but if he'd loved me he'd have tried to do better.
Now what, he's going to try better with the next person, why wasn't I worth that effort? Why am I so easy for him to replace?
@Kasha2000
You have every right to be hurt, as you said yourself you are still grieving. The breakup wasnt that long ago and it was a serious relationship- those can take some time to heal from. Its not fair that he posted it on FB. You cant control his behavior but he should have thought of you a little. It sounds like you are a very smart and strong woman. Grieve your loss, feel you hurt feelings, and allow yourself to realize that you will heal and move forward. Starting over can be really hard. Try to work on one area of your life at a time. Join a group in your town to get reconnected. Update your resume and look for a new job. Now is the perfect time to start dreaming about the possibilites of the new life you are capable of creating.
@Kasha2000 am sorry to hear what you been through, and what's happening you have reasonable reason to feel upset, but sometimes our perspective is not the only one to be taken into account, you can think of it as, a good relationship, but few things, within, made it not to workout, and that happens, it doesn't even have anything to do with you that he is dating again, don't you think that the important part now, is not to focus on what he is doing, instead focus on your needs and what you want to do with your life?, wish him luck and simply try not to see it as if it has anything to do with you ? 