Family

My ex boyfriend and I have had a rocky past. We dated for almost the entirety of high school and have been on and off since then. He struggles with severe depression disorder, and only just recently started getting help. Unfortunately once he did, he started a medication and after he went to college (we were about a hour apart) he completely changed personality wise. I don’t mean to turn this onto him, in reality it doesn’t really matter. But tonight he told me that he didn’t love me at all, and he has been lying to me about it. He has told me this before, and I know he probably will come back eventually or I’ll reach out but I just can’t do it anymore. He’s the only family I have and he knows it, and he knows even though he has repeatedly stopped loving me I never have stopped loving him. I feel as though I’ll never get over him, always clinging to some false reality that we will be happy like we used to be and will get married someday. I went about a year without him and still couldn’t get over him. He even dated someone else and I just never got over him. And now it feels as though I’m going to be doing another hard year for nothing because I won’t get over him anyways. I am a D1 athlete, straight A student, graduating a year early. I have other guys talking to me I just feel nothing towards them and have never met up with anyone else ever. I honestly have no hope for myself moving on and this is something I think of all day everyday and I am unsure of how to proceed from here. Do I be friends with him? Do I block him? None of it seems to make a difference to me. I am a fairly unemotional person and the only thing that stimulates how I feel about things is how our relationship is doing. If he’s making me happy I’m happy. If he’s being mean to me I’m sad. That’s pretty much how my life goes. I have a lot of friends and nothing wrong. But I don’t think I’ll ever get over this kid and that’s why I am here today to try to get help.

thank you 💗