Feeling Alone

My husband and I have been together for 19 years this year and married for 14 years. We have been together since Freshman year of high school. We have a 12 year old son and 7 year old daughter. Our relationship began to break shortly after our son was born. I went thru postpartum depression and have really struggled with things every since. My husband used to be overly sexual and I had no sex drive at all. That has been our fight for SO many years. About 6 years ago, my husband cheated on me with a woman he worked with. Supposedly it never got physical, but they had a sexual relationship online and an emotional bond. I chose to forgive him and try to work things out. For awhile we were doing better. In the past couple years, my husband has become very depressed and mean. I believe he is a narcissist. He has changed so dramatically and seems uninterested in me. I have become more sexually longing but he barely wants anything to do with me and blames me for everything.

About a year ago, we became friends with a woman and her boyfriend that he worked with. We all 4 talked often and were friends. About 6 months into our friendship, I started struggling with some health issues and became a little more distant. My husband still kept talking to them. Recently, he has only been talking to her. Given the past, I became very jealous and protective. When I talked to him and said that I was not comfortable with their friendship/relationship anymore, he freaked out. He said she is his only friend at work and he needs to talk to her. I agreed that them talking about work was fine but he was talking about her to me all the time and always messaging her. I explained that if the cards were turned and this was me and a guy, he would be upset. I told him that I did not want him to talk to her anymore. He agreed that he would be upset if it were the other way around. He was upset that I wanted their friendship to end but said he cared more about my feelings than their friendship and once she left for her new job, he would not talk to her anymore. She has been gone from his workplace for a couple of weeks now and he is still talking to her behind my back!!! The messages that I have seen between them are innocent from what I see, but it doesn't change my feelings. This blatant disregard for my feelings is ruining me. Obviously she is more important to him than me. Our marriage is falling apart and he says he cares but sure doesn't act like it. I've been trying so hard to be a better wife; giving him more attention, making love more, doing everything I can. He is so down all the time and won't talk to me. Everytime we get into a fight or something goes wrong in our marriage, he blames me.

I have talked to him several times about this friendship and each time I am the bad guy for not wanting him to have a friend. He makes me feel like a horrible person all the time. I don't know what to do. He resents me for all the years of trouble that we have had even though it is not all my fault. I don't know if there is a way to repair our marriage or if it is over for good :(