Fighting with significant other
Not sure if this is the place to post, but I have a ton on my mind. I got into a huge argument with my partner of 10+ years last night over finances. When we moved we made an agreement since I made less and have student debt that I would use any excess money to throw at my loans to get my debt down. He argued with me that he provides everything for me to live a comfortable life and basically threw it in my face. And I was trying to say finances aside, you aren't there for me emotionally. But he thinks his actions of "providing" for me is enough. Granted I ALWAYS express how grateful I am to have him in my life, I try to build him up as much as possible, support him in everything he does. I come home from my full time job and make sure everything is clean, I make dinner, I take care of our puppy, etc. So when he comes home he doesn't have to worry about anything except relaxing. He does mostly do the dinner dishes after we eat...which is mostly putting them in the dishwasher, but I sometimes feel taken for granted. He never compliments me, isn't romantic, I guess I just want to feel loved. And whenever we fight its usually my fault and my issues that cause everything and says I am the entire reason we haven't moved forward in our relationship. IE.why he won't propose. That to me sounds so conditional from someone who is supposed to want to be with you. I've rambled too much. Just a lot on my mind.
I'm not sure how much this helps, but whenever me and my boyfriend get into any argument, we tell each other it's US against the the problem, not us against each other. If it gets too heated, we just remind each other of that and reset.
@Vsand4569
Has his lack of emotional availability been since the loan repayment agreement or was it always this way? It might help to understand when and how the relationship changed (if it is a change).
The ton in your mind is your creation, no one placed all of this pressure in your mind. The first thing you have to do is fix your self, through all the pressure and negative thoughts out of your mind. Is thinking and warying about a problem going to fix it, of course not unless you are a mind magician. You can't force people your way or you can't force people to love you. You have to first love your self and be happy, through the ton in your mind out of your head for ever, just put a plan for everything and let your life flow with the wind, stop fighting and start being happy, life will change to your favour once you're happy.
It does not sound like a good place to be at in your relationship. Love should not be conditional. He is expecting you not to complain because he provides, and you are expecting him not to argue with you because you do so much for him. Both of you don’t feel appreciated. It sounds like you are always giving him words of appreciation though, and he is placing all the blame on you. It sounds like he is manipulating you to never ask him for what you need and if you continue to do that then he won’t propose. It seems like HE is the reason you guys haven’t moved forward. I’d think long and hard if you want to be married to this man for the rest of your life. It’s not going to get any better once you’re married, it’s more likely to get worse because he will have you where he wants you.
