Getting Back to Being Friends
I've recently been broken up with by my boyfriend of 2 years. We were friends for 10 years before we got together. I didn't see it coming. He said he didn't feel the same way anymore but that he cares about me and wants me to be happy and wants to stay friends, which is slightly confusing since I don't know if he stopped feeling the same way because he was scared of commitment (this was the longest he'd been in a relationship for) or just because he got bored of the relationship. Obviously I like him as a person and want to stay friends too (plus we share a lot of friends and I dont want to make it awkward for them or get left out of things) but I dont know if I'll be ready when I see him. I know in my head that he would probably not have made a great life partner because of his lack of ambition which I would have eventually become fed up of (although I only found out about his lack of life goals after things ended), but our personalities and interests fit so well together. I'm not sure if I'm just scared of being lonely and I'm worried I'll never find someone to spend my life with (I got into this relationship shortly after my first relationship of 4 years so haven't been single for 6 years) or if I am still hoping he gets his life on track, realises he wants to get back together and gets over his fear of commitment or tendency to get bored. I have a tendency to over analyse things...
We've had a couple of months apart since the break up and are meant to be meeting for food today to see whether being friends is realistic at this time. I hope it goes well and alleviates some of these worries/confirms some of my thoughts so I can stop thinking about it and get on with things...
@selfconfidentSpruce3548 I think in the long run, it would be good to stay friends - you can never have too many people who know you well and care about you, right? But in the short run, there might be a lot of raw nerves, and it might be too easy for small things to trigger overwhelming feelings - you're probably the best person to decide how comfortable you are at any given point. If you're starting to feel uncomfortable, spend a bit more time away from the fire. If you start feeling too cold, come back a little closer to the fire. It's up to you to find the ideal distance or frequency of contact, because only you can feel what's most comfortable for you. Personally I wish I didn't cut off things with my exes so completely, but back then I was young and clueless =D
@John5 Thank you, this is one of the most helpful things anyone has told me since it happened :)
So I met him yesterday and was thankful to find that I have no lingering feelings for him so going back to being friends will be a lot easier! We chatted about normal stuff and avoided the topic of our relationship which is probably a good thing. We were both less playful/jokey with each other than we were as friends before the relationship which is a bit of a shame, but I think that will come back in time as we work out what we feel comfortable with after seeing each other more.
The other good thing about this meeting is that its made me less worried about being single. Part of the reason I was worrying about this before was me thinking Im getting too old to not be settling down (Im 28) as well as the fact that Ive never ‘dated before and have only seen people I have known for quite some time before getting together. I think the main reason I was hating being single was because I still had this image of my ex as an amazing person and I thought I might still want to be with him. Im glad seeing him the other day broke that spell because now I can live my life for me rather than to try and get that relationship back or worry about meeting someone else immediately.
