Ghosted

@NickDB

Hey there, hopefully you are doing well. Theres a few things I would like to point out;

My significant other stopped responding to me about two months ago, and despite many attempts at contacting her, she has not responded. (This is quite hurtful to go through this, its tough experiencing all of this. At first it becomes feeling worried about the other person which is normal, then it turns into anxiety and then the separation anxiety prompts you to message her various times without a reply. Sometimes people might not reply, but its not a good to keep sending more messages even though its hard not to do, its just smothers the other person) I tried taking thirty days off to give both of us time to grow and heal before talking with each other again, and when I first contacted her after the break, I have still not heard from her. (The way she dissapeared from your life was quite hurtful, but I could tell you felt separation anxiety here, wanting her again in your life, abandonment issues, feeling lost without her prompt you to message her.) She and I have known each other for over three years, and our love has been incredibly deep and strong for as long as we've known each other. I think I know the reason why she stopped contacting me though. A few months before she stopped contacting me, I had become sort of clingy. (One of the many fears people have is to feel smothered, in here I could tell you wanted more attention than she could give you, to soothe your own anxiety so it makes you focus on reducing feelings of loneliness, anxiety without focusing on what she wanted which was space). There were things happening in my life at that point that I could not handle, and I took to running to her whenever I needed support, which I know now is not the smartest thing to do. (Well it varies from person to person, but some people could feel smothered supporting others after a bit or awhile, in here you felt lost, alone and anxious so you needed someone to talk with) I felt that it might have started to become a problem a couple months before she ceased contact, and I told her so, but she assured me that I wasn't doing anything wrong, which obviously was not true.

Ever since, I have been holding on the smallest bit of hope that she and I may be able to come back together stronger than we were before, but I am not sure if this is just false hope and that I need to just let her go. (Its not easy for you to let her go, I could tell you are strugguling doing this, but in here they were some unmet needs you projected on her, your happiness and well being were reliant on her so when she left it makes you feel primal panic. When she left it also transport you to those times where you felt abandoned and alone as a child. This is one of the reasons you are clinging to her come back, so all of this feelings and hurt reduces) I feel that the latter is most likely the case, but I know that it will be extremely difficult for me to do that, because she and I were so close, I have a hard time believing that she would really want to never talk to me again or even know me. (Theres a lot of history between the two of you, so it makes it hurtful and painful to think she left and doesn't want to speak) This dilemma has been causing me a significant amount of stress over the past two months, and I am still having a hard time coming to terms with the fact that I might just have to let her go. (Its starting to affect your everyday life, this probably has to do with having tremendous anxiety since she left. This is almost feeling like losing a parent or a familiy member)

I know that it will be incredibly difficult and painful, but I know that it would be neccessary. I just feel that I would have an easier time if she would just talk to me and tell me that she wanted to end the relationship instead of just ceasing all contact. (It would have been perfect if she confronted you first before leaving, but i think that you would have felt the same hurt and pain of her leaving your life.) I hold no resentment towards her despite this. She has the right to live her life how she wants, and if she doesn't want me to be a part of it, I will have to respect that, however hard it may be. I just wish we could have one last talk so that nothing is left unsaid. (I know how that feels, having things inside to say, but can't because the other person left. It's hurtful feeling this way, but with time and knowledge it'll help you heal and become stronger after this)

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Anyhow, thanks for listening to me rant. This has been on my mind for the past two months, and it has been causing me great distress, and I just needed to let it out. (Im glad you were able to let it out, hopefully you feel better soon)